Second November

ZANEEDS and Vocaloid Miku.

2011-08-21T23:44:00.002+08:00

i caught ZANEEDS and their VOCALOID - Miku's beautiful "performance" at the Singapore Toys Games and Comics Convention (STGCC) 2011.

i do not know ZANEEDS, but i do know the Vocaloid Miku.
[Miku is the vocaloid sleeping in the clock on the left-hand corner of my blog]

"ZANEEDS - Vocaloid" album.

~ Beautiful Season ~

BANG! vs. 三国杀.

2011-08-20T23:28:00.004+08:00

i was recently introduced to "三国杀", which is seemingly similar in game features to "BANG!".
COOL.

BANG!.

三国杀.

~ Beautiful Season ~

LOVE in the age of entitlement.

2011-08-19T23:09:00.004+08:00

"We live in a world where people expect a prize just for showing up. You don't win at sports day you get a medal anyway, you don't get the grades - your parents argue that your teacher is picking on you or that the test wasn’t marked properly, you get rejected for the X-Factor and clearly it's because people can't appreciate your talent (despite you not being able to sing a note). Everyone wants their 15 minutes of fame, the dream house, and hot partner – quickly and without having to work overly hard for it, everyone's looking for that external validation. Girls change their FaceBook photo daily seeking that external validation, and boys beg, borrow and steal to make sure they have the latest Kicks. Never has there been a greater a need for that constant stimulation, constant validation and the need for people to recognise someone’s greatness – just for being them.

Instead of parents and people around turning their backs and expressing disgust when confronted with self-centred and arrogant behaviour, it is applauded – even badged as self-belief. People have started to get used to spending so long protecting themselves from the outside world – hiding their true selves, manipulating people into doing things to suit themselves, and not letting themselves in it, becomes near impossible to understand how to move from an attitude of "me, me, me" to thinking about to "us, us, us".

With a sense of entitlement comes a range of unattractive qualities ranging from a complete lack of empathy, their sense of self-importance, self-centred and self-focused, and keen and willing to cheat whenever they think they can get away with it. Now, thinking about some of the qualities required to maintain a relationship are shared values, empathy, communication, honesty, commitment, trust, sincerity, understanding, patience and the ability to see another person’s point of view. Where does this deserving attitude fit in and what's the impact. So with people who are never told that they need to work on those things, work on their faults - because they have no faults and constantly seeking that sense of other? What does it mean for love?

I think that many of us want things to come instantaneously – be it wealth, success, and even a relationship and love. The funny thing is, as with most things in life, you don't get a relationship just because you show up. That means accepting responsibility when things go wrong, thinking further than just how things will affect you, and really, really thinking further than just yourself. When we start moving from being completely insular to actually working hard for something, then you can really achieve things. Relationships require work - it's like they used to say it in Fame: "It costs". Relationships, real relationships, that are meaningful and that last, COST. And if you want one, if you really, really want one - it's time to start paying.

Keep Going!"

CHANGE, comes from within self.
i want to change - change for the better, change for self-improvement, change for myself, and change for the future.

I want to embrace CHANGE.

Read the original article HERE.

~ Beautiful Season ~

a heartFELT story..

2011-08-18T23:39:00.001+08:00

".. when we argue, or have words. He seems to kind of re-assess the situation, and question how much he loves me. Whether we should really give the relationship a go or not. This is very unnerving to say the least, especially when I am trying to build trust in him and with him again. He frightens me because he questions it so much. I feel that he should have a steady attitude and work through anything with me. We will get through it together."

"He is projecting and deflecting. Is that his answer to conflict resolution? To consider running away? What does that bode for your future? Is he going to run next week, next month, or next year?"

"He seems to cower from us too easily. Fear is a huge factor. Fear of being hurt again. I want someone that will stick with me through thick and thin, and not fear hurt. Focus on working so hard that it IS going to work. Someone who will love me like I love them. Someone who realises that a relationship takes the same amount of effort and work as I think it does. Respect me and stick with me through as much hard times as I would for them. Someone that won't let their love flicker on me when I come down hard on them during tough times. Although his heart wants it, he doesn't see it working out. Hence, this must mean that he really doesn't want it, and maybe there is too much water under the bridge. He obviously isn't willing to go through the same length as I would to make this work."

".. fear that he was going to hurt me again. This sounds all too familiar. I don't care how people sugar-coat their words to see "it was for the best, meant to be, blah blah blah", it is very clear on the DUMPER that they would rather give up, and rather not try because they don't feel like it. I feel sad how someone can basically not give it a go, because it just sounds like, to me, they are saying, "I don't want to deal with this sh!t no more, f**k this, I'm out, I don't love you anymore, bye!"

Ultimately, the person you loved took a good long look at the awesomeness that is in you, evaluated your relationship together, and said, "No thanks, I'll try my luck elsewhere.""

~ Beautiful Season ~

Lessons Learnt #1.

2011-08-17T23:27:00.008+08:00

i have been reading up alot Alot ALOT.

this particular paragraph from a passage i read struck a personal chord in me:

"Compatibility is so much. You can't ONLY have compatibility because then you're just friends. You do need that passion. Attraction. Friendship. Common interests.. etc. Everything that makes up your personal definition of love. I think that this is something that is rarely explored in full with a partner. It's easy to say "We have the same goals" or "We both want kids" or "We f*** like bunny rabbits". But when push comes to shove (usually in times of adversity), if you both do not have the same idea of what it means to love someone then you'll never make it. This stuff is nurtured all throughout your life, from parenting, the media.. etc. Some people are willing to sacrifice a TON for their partner. Others very little. Some people are very empathetic, and others not so much. These are all key elements of compatible love and I cannot stress its importance enough."

i cannot agree more with these wise words.

another paragraph from another passage that i came across:

"My grandpa gave me some good insight over the holidays. He said, how someone leaves you speaks volume about that person. It truly provides a real glimpse of the "core" of that person. It's never easy to end things with someone even if it is the right thing to do because the two people should not be together, they are not right for one another.. etc. BUT, how someone leaves you, is it with grace, respect, compassion, care, love, or is it cowardly, mean spirited, selfish, disrespectful, full of half truths, dishonest.. etc.? The manner, tells you lots. Who knows, perhaps one day the dumper looks at what they did and how they did it, and will ultimately have to live with it. Some may be reflective, some may not. Ultimately, we all know when we have felt and knew the best thing has entered our lives, and if that person did nothing to make us think differently, they will need to live with the regret and reality of what they lost."
again, i couldn't agree more about the "core" of a person's character. be it that it's with kind or ill intentions regardless, but when handled in the worst possible way.. etc., still speaks volume about a person's state of emotional maturity.
[NOT that i am very emotionally matured anyways, especially the way i handled post-breakup after being dumped]

another article that i read regarding cutting-someone-supposedly-"important"-out-of-your-life-completely:

"My friend was six weeks away from getting married when her fiance abruptly announced with no prior warning that he wanted out. Two weeks before he was writing ‘I love you’ in the condensation of the kitchen window and then in one fell swoop, the wedding off, and he refused to explain, speak with or see her and cut her and all of their mutual friends out his life. She was devastated. She could accept that he didn’t want to get married but she just couldn’t fathom how he could cut her out so cruelly and offer no explanation. Around their wedding date, he forced himself to call.. to tell her that he was seeing someone else, and that was only because he’d been seen all over town.

Reader Marsha reconnected with an old flame from ten years ago. They’d always kept in touch and when she visited her home country, they got together. Emails, calls, texts, and plans (he said he wanted to get married next year) and promises followed and he booked a flight to visit her and they spoke right up to the night before. The big day arrived, he went dark, refused to speak to her and cut her off. The brief time they spoke he said “Life will go on with or without me”. When she called him another time, he hung up.

These are just two examples of a story that I’ve heard many times: When a relationship is abruptly ended, you’re cut off, there’s no explanation, nothing, and you wonder what you did and have to process the loss and closure alone. You feel duped, play the relationship back and search for the signs, but you ultimately end up blaming yourself. I guess it’s the relationship version of being told you’re doing great at your job and then being sacked or made redundant out of the blue with little or no explanation.

So here’s what I told my friend, Marsha and others in the same boat: People that break up by abruptly and rather aggressively cutting you off with little or no explanation and pretty much act like you never existed, have to do so to avoid any responsibility for the consequences of their actions and their impact on you so they can press The Reset Button.

Acknowledging even a fraction of their actions is to get drawn into acknowledging themselves and your feelings. They can literally pretend like you didn’t exist and tell themselves anything they like. It’s like ‘Get the consequences of my actions as far away from me as possible’.

They’re afraid that if they discuss, they’ll get talked into committing themselves to something they don’t want to.

They might even feel bad, or heaven forbid, remorse. They want out so badly, they have to sabotage your relationship in such an abominable way that it would make it difficult for them to go back (unless very brazen) or for you to think there was a chance. They safeguard themselves and avoid the commitments that they’ve made by sabotaging their way out and if they’re ‘lucky’, they’ll get a 2 for 1 deal and you’ll think it’s your fault.

The overwhelming likelihood is that they didn’t feel that there was a strong enough reason to pin on you so rather than admit they’re scared or they want out, they announce they’re out and cut off.

Sometimes, people become stifled by a situation often of their own making, triggering anxiety and fears about being vulnerable, intimate and committed. Some like the idea of doing stuff more than the reality, and when the future they’ve often billy-bull****ted you and Future Faked about starts getting too close for comfort, they extricate themselves in a big way. They may genuinely have believed that they were going to be and do as they’d committed themselves to but if they were honest, they’d acknowledge that going out with a bang was always a ticking time bomb.

Many say and do what they think they should - going through the motions. My friend’s ex likely thought that he had to take ‘logical’ next steps without his heart being in it. She had enough pride to know that she wouldn’t have wanted to marry a reluctant groom but she did see his treatment as a reflection of her. Marsha feels the same but also recognises what a lucky escape she’s had even though she’s hurting a lot now.

Many years ago, I worked with a girl from Australia. One Thursday I listened to her boyfriend spend the entire evening professing his love. On the Tuesday he took her ice-skating and talked marriage. On the Thursday, he told her he didn’t love her and he’d met someone else, and added nothing else other than to tell her to get out and go back to OZ. Three days later she was gone.

People, especially dishonest, deluded, scared, and fickle people, are changeable.

Some are not the type to engage in an open and honest dialogue with you in the relationship. When they experience anxiety, their feelings change, there are problems.. etc., they may not say anything and then erupt out of the relationship like they have a hot poker up their bum. You might wonder what you could have done differently – unfortunately if someone’s way in over their head, you’re not going to know about it until they say or do something. Or you ask. Even then they may not tell you.

This.Is.Not.About.You.

When someone can rip you out of your relationship and their life from one day to the next, and literally go all Jekyll and Hyde on you, while it’ll hurt like crazy now as it feels like no closure, you can’t decipher what was real and what wasn’t, and you don’t get why you don’t even deserve an explanation, you’ll eventually come to be thankful that you were spared from spending even a minute more in the company of someone that doesn’t play decent, never mind fair.

They’ve got all switchy on you because they’re very afraid of commitment and/or they want out but don’t know how to handle these situations with integrity. The pressure and the fear mounts and they panic or they’re the type that doesn’t voice concerns and problems, or solves their problems by lining up a new partner, which then creates the urgency to get shot of you.

Being scared doesn’t excuse their behaviour but it does, along with their subsequent actions tell you why a relationship with them isn’t an option. There’s no easy way to broach fears or endings and with them, you were going to get hurt anyway.

It would be great if they could respect you and the time you shared by dignifying you with an explanation and decent treatment, but they wouldn’t have ended it this way if that was ever going to be on offer. That.. and they would have to explain about themselves and as they don’t want to know themselves and have that level of honesty, you’ll either be in for a long wait or some distorted version of events that will leave you with more questions than answers.

Don’t envy the next person because who knows what kind of switcheroo stuff they’ll be pulling there – they may have left a big hole in your life, but you can fill it with a better person and new hopes, dreams, and plans."

avoidance of any form of responsibility and accountability.. sighs.

~ Beautiful Season ~

Avoidant, Anxious, and Secure Love Attachment Theory.

2011-08-16T17:53:00.012+08:00

Attachment Styles and Close Relationships

Thank you for completing the Close Relationships Questionnaire/Experiences in Close Relationships-Revised Questionnaire. This questionnaire is designed to measure your attachment style - the way you relate to others in the context of intimate relationships. As you might suspect, people differ greatly in the ways in which they approach close relationships. For example, some people are comfortable opening up to others emotionally, whereas others are reluctant to allow themselves to depend on others.

According to attachment theory and research, there are two fundamental ways in which people differ from one another in the way they think about relationships. First, some people are more anxious than others. People who are high in attachment-related anxiety tend to worry about whether their partners really love them and often fear rejection. People low on this dimension are much less worried about such matters. Second, some people are more avoidant than others. People who are high in attachment-related avoidance are less comfortable depending on others and opening up to others.

According to your questionnaire responses, your attachment-related anxiety score is 3.30, on a scale ranging from 1 (low anxiety) to 7 (high anxiety). Your attachment-related avoidance score is 1.30, on a scale ranging from 1 (low avoidance) to 7 (high avoidance).

We have plotted your two scores in the two-dimensional space defined by attachment-related anxiety and avoidance. Your approximate position in this space is denoted by the blue dot.
(Note: If you left any of the questions unanswered, then these scores will be inaccurate.)

SECURE - Low Avoidance + Moderate Anxiety.

As you can see in this graph, the two dimensions of anxiety and avoidance can be combined to create interesting combinations of attachment styles. For example people who are low in both attachment-related anxiety and avoidance are generally considered secure because they don't typically worry about whether their partner's are going to reject them and they are comfortable being emotionally close to others.

Combining your anxiety and avoidance scores, you fall into the secure quadrant. Previous research on attachment styles indicates that secure people tend to have relatively enduring and satisfying relationships. They are comfortable expressing their emotions, and tend not to suffer from depression and other psychological disorders.

Since the mid-1980's, a lot of research has been conducted on attachment styles. Thank you again for visiting this site.

What is YOUR attachment style?

~ Beautiful Season ~

What is LIFE?

2011-08-14T23:55:00.001+08:00

This is your LIFE.

~ Beautiful Season ~

near-"accident".

2011-08-10T23:54:00.000+08:00

i took a cab for work-related matters.
i sat on the passenger seat.
i happened to be looking down at my hands, or my wallet (i cannot remember).

.. when..

another car suddenly hit us from behind.

i instantly jerked forward without warning.
i hit my head HARD on the dashboard.
and was filled with instantaneous excruiating pain.

i thought i may faint and lose consciousness.
i didn't.
i thought i would bleed to death.
i didn't.
i thought my skull may have cracked.
i didn't.
fortunately, i didn't.. all of the above.

but the experience itself is more than enuough for me.
i felt very dazed and scared the entire day.
my head only throbbed and throbbed too.
i could almost feel a pulse or something.

i only wanted to see him one last time before he flies.
no response.
cruel and heartless.
not even a friend.

run away, run far faraway.. and face your deepest fears and demons.. alone.

~ Beautiful Season ~

FOOD for thoughts..

2011-08-03T23:32:00.002+08:00

Love is not about being a "fair weather friend".
It's about being there for each other through the good and bad times, no matter what.
It's about saying AND meaning it too.
"I'll always be there for you.. always."

It's not about experiencing only the ups on the mountains.
It's also about experiencing the downs in the valleys.. together.
Promises are supposed to last you through the bad times..
.. because who needs to hold on to promises during the good times?

~ Beautiful Season ~

Me vs. Hope

2011-08-02T23:45:00.002+08:00

a part of me, somewhere deep down inside my heart.. died.

i discovered why everything was working against me..
[i have always thought it was a series of bad luck and unfortunate events.
i have even blamed myself, the way he blamed me, for almost everything gone wrong.]
.. because he was working hard on resisting me.

it hits me on the head and shattered my already broken heart.
simultaneously killing off a part of me called "Hope".

now there is no more "Hope".
there is only "ME".

~ Beautiful Season ~

The HUMAN Factor.

2011-07-25T23:15:00.001+08:00

technology has made our lives more convenient and closed the gaps between continents..
.. but technology has also contributed to the demise of something very precious:
the human face-to-face interactions.

never Never, i repeat, NEVER, attempt to communicate important and sensitive issues on these gadgets and technology.
please at least arrange to meet up and discuss any important and sensitive issues face-to-face in person.

technology, should never be used to replace precious human face-to-face interactions, at all cost.
especially if you actually have the chance to meet up and make amends.

i learn from my terrible mistake.
i believe that this mistake has somewhat contributed leading to my breakup.
no amount of sms-es, calls, facebook-ing, emailing, whatever, can replace that of the precious human touch.

words without any tone or emotion, including the facial expression and body language, can be misread and misinterpreted, and that's IT.

~ Beautiful Season ~

RWS + MBS~

2011-07-24T23:53:00.003+08:00

went to Resorts World Sentosa and Marina Bay Sands.
no, i didn't turn gambler.
no, i didn't enter the casinos.
we actually ended up walking around in circles, admiring the sceneries and enjoying the atmosphere.

there are laser shows scheduled at 2000, 2130, and 2300 hours on Saturdays, and 2000 and 2130 hours on Sundays, at Marina Bay Sands.
we caught both laser shows.
they are essentially the same.
the fires that were shot was hot, despite already being a distance away.

we walked along the Singapore River.
it brought back alot of beautiful memories.
the Singapore night sceneries are seriously beautiful and romantic.
too bad the wrong company, haha.

the night made me feel at ease and peaceful.
the night made me feel calm and collected.
i almost wished "he" was with me then.
i'm almost sure we would be able to talk things out properly under the right mood and atmosphere.

sighs.

~ Beautiful Season ~

RUNning Thoughts~

2011-07-22T23:59:00.002+08:00

i watched "Transformers: Dark of the Moon" tonight.
front row seats, but fortunately, still alright.
we forgot to redeem our miniature popcorn too.
our dinner and movie schedule were packed too tight. :X

the movie ended at only 2330 hours. x_x
we ran for the last train towards Marina Bay.
we laughed at each other.

i remember running for last buses too.
everything appeared to be so fresh, as if it was just yesterday.

i remember Washington D.C. too.
the movie showed a few scenes of Transformers at Washington D.C.
memories could not stop, but came rushing back.
but i could only smile wistfully at the thought of it.

my afterthoughts:
- live everyday like it's your last.
what would you have done differently, if you discovered that today is your last day alive?
do you want to go with regrets?

- true love, stretches far beyond many many obstacles.
the important question is: is the relationship more important than anything else?
if you feel and know it in yourself that "he / she is THE ONE!"; go for it!
or do you want to live with more regrets?

maybe the movie is really getting into me.
maybe the various small talks with my more mature friends and colleagues provided a better insight into love, relationships, and marriages.

i yearn to truly find a dependable and responsible man to marry myself to.
i seriously thought i had already found my knight in shiny armour.
i envisioned us marrying each other happily ever after (happiness >>> negative emotions).
but how many 2 years do i have left to waste?

~ Beautiful Season ~

"When Tragedy Brings You Closer"

2011-07-20T23:53:00.000+08:00

There was a couple who witnessed their friend die in an accident. Although what happened was totally depressing, the tragedy actually strengthened the couple's relationship.

I always remember that couple and how wonderful it was that they found an upside to pain in each other. If you have ever shared tragedy and grief with your partner, is your relationship similarly strengthened too?

Although extremely painful, the couple felt an even stronger bond between each other. They saw a side of each other, and of themselves, that they have never seen in their relationship history. It's a side that emerges in tragedy and in pain, but a side that can bond you emotionally in indescribable ways.

Bad things may happen in life. People may die, tsunamis may hit, jobs may be lost, illnesses may strike, but it's how you react as a couple that can help you get through the hard times. When times are tough, you must ask yourself: Will we stand by each other, or will we shut each other out?

This decision can make or break an otherwise good relationship. With communication, comes understanding. Through understanding, you can establish trust. Without these key elements, how else can you create a good rapport with each other?

~ Beautiful Season ~

A Dream.

2011-07-18T15:02:00.002+08:00

i jolted awake to a supposed sweet dream this morning.

the dream seemed so real and normal, yet also so out of place.
i don't know how to describe it, but maybe that's why i jolted awake in the first place.

Charlene (Aunty Ting) was in the dream, as my friend and advisor, together with me.
we met up with some guy (unknown), who brought us to a beautiful house.
somehow or another, we were viewing and admiring the house.

that's when he appeared in my dream.
we were going to get married soon.
we were planning to get the beautiful house.
Charlene was giving her constructive inputs about the house.

everything felt so.. normal. happy. blissful. L-O-V-E.
it felt so real.
i remember my heart leaping with joy.
i am going to get married to him.

he stepped down from some stairs above, and opened his mouth to ask, "who knows how long can the ceiling paint last?"
i immediately raised my hand high up to answer his question, "5 years!"

and i jerked awake.. back to reality.
i immediately felt so horrible and emotional.

regardless how much anger, hurt, and disappointment.. etc etc., can never mask the fact that there is this underlying deep love i have for him.
i guess i really missed and loved the guy i once thought i knew.

sighs.. :'(

~ Beautiful Season ~

HideUP.

2011-07-17T23:52:00.004+08:00

i had a terrible day today.

i decided to be firm, and exert a pressure on him, for him to meet me, or i meet his parents.
i seriously don't feel good at all doing all these sh!t.
but i realised that i really don't have much of a choice.
it's either confront directly, or wait and wait until he flies.. far far away~

he has been avoiding meeting me in person, or any possible form of confrontation, i guess.
all forms of communication were only through a few sms-es and calls.
if i go to his house uninformed to forcefully meet him, he would be angry, since he is uninformed.
if i go to his house informed, but he refused, yet i still go, he said it would be a breach of trust.
if i call him, it would go unanswered, and no call would be returned.
if i sms him, it would go unreplied, at most, read and ignored.

i feel trapped.
trapped in a corner with no other alternative routes to take.
he knows i would never want to hurt, anger, disappoint, or make matters worse..
.. because i was still hoping to mend back our misunderstood-broken-up relationship.

he used reasons and logic to dictate our love and relationship.
he said we must face up to reality, that we are very incompatible.
he used to be very kind and understanding, but see things i do in a very different and negative light now.

he has changed.
- selfish and irresponsible
- lying / twisting facts and truths (to his parents)
- breaking promises (only hold true when things are good, but don't hold true when things are bad)

i thought of marriage vows.. are they also this fragile too..?
aren't they also promises..?
except that it is on a binding piece of contract.

my old "Pan Zhengqi" is dead.
my love is dead.
and for that, i am very, very sad.

~ Beautiful Season ~

disAppeaRance.

2011-06-24T18:25:00.000+08:00

i have decided to "disappear" for good.

maybe i will be back.
then again, maybe not.

~ Beautiful Season ~

Hesitation.

2011-06-21T11:58:00.001+08:00

when a stormy misunderstanding leads to a breakup..

when the living becomes only a memory..

i am deactivating facebook very soon..
.. the only reason i am hesitating was only because i cherish the many many pictures in it.

~ Beautiful Season ~

Happily Married~ :)

2011-06-19T13:18:00.006+08:00

the bride is now happily married.

i can't help but feel very touched and happy for the newlyweds.
they look so happy and blissful, finally married to each other.
a completely new and exciting journey awaits them.

despite their diverse backgrounds and personalities, they managed to overcome all odds to be together with each other.
surely they would have disputes and differences again, even after they are happily married now..
.. but after witnessing first-hand the unselfish love they have for each other, especially with the groom signing on the "Love Contract" to the bride, i am certain the groom will take very good care of the bride. :)

the beautiful bride + her 4 姐妹s!

the beautiful bride and the handsome groom.. happily married! ^^

the counter gurls (+ extra guy) - 姐妹s + 兄弟.

Table 22, HUAT ah!

a last picture with the beautiful bride and the handsome groom.. they were all RED. @_@

it is not easy to decide to finally tie the knot with each other, believing that the one before you is the very "ONE" you are searching for, but many have already done so.
as my friends one-by-one begin to get engaged to their "soulmates", i can't help but feel a bit, only a tiny bit, envious.

as Aunty Ting has always reminded me:
youth is limited.
you really don't want to be wasting your precious time and youth on someone who doesn't appreciate or know how to treasure you.

everybody can pick on any tiny little stupid trivial issues to get unhappy about, and subsequently spark off a heated debate / quarrel / fight / cold war etc.
but ultimately, is that what you want.. to always be angered and irritated over the slightest flaws or bad habits your "the other half" has.

when you can no longer cherish and appreciate what you had in your hands..
when you can no longer see what was it that you have chosen him or her in the first place..
when you can no longer connect to each other, because you forgot what you promised each other..
.. issit time to let go?

i am lost.
the magnificent wedding and the many happy couples around me made me feel.. confused.

what issit that i do not have?
do i really have that bad a character and personality myself, that i do not realise?
why do i need to be envious, even if it is only a tiny little bit, of others?
do i not have a wonderful "the other half" that i am contended and committed to spend the rest of my life in the future with?
what is missing?

why do i need to reflect on myself for always being late?
i know punctuality is important..
.. but is taking buses wrong?
all buses have a stupid waiting time, it can be as quick as 3 minutes, to as long as 22 minutes, what must i do then?
do i not have a choice which mode of transport i would like to take?

why do i need to reflect on myself for not constantly updating my current status / location / action to you?
is that a hint that i should get "Twitter"???
my colleagues were -_-" by me disappearing for even a mere 3 minutes, was actually also because i did not bring my phone out, and hence cannot be contacted.
but what about you?
you can always say, be it 1 second, 3 minutes, or 20 minutes detour, you should have updated.

fine.
but issit really that important?
apparently it must have been, because my boy got furiously angry over me for these kind of matters!

do you really think you are so perfect that i don't have any flaws to nitpick on?
precisely it is nothing new, you are always like this, i am used to it, and it is small little matters, that i do not even bother getting myself worked up over.

i am tired.
i realise even without engaging in a fight / quarrel / exchange of nasty and hurtful words, people can still get mad as and when they like it with you, even though you did not defend or retaliate back.

i lost all confidence.. in myself.

~ Beautiful Season ~

only YOU~

2011-06-15T15:00:00.003+08:00

i wasn't being scolded.
i wasn't being humiliated.
i wasn't being blasted to HELL.

it wasn't harsh.
it wasn't nasty.
it wasn't sarcastic.

she simply told me off.
regardless the sh!t reasonings that i may have.
but it struck a cord somewhere deep within me.

i wasn't angry.
i was filled with sadness.
i was disappointed to discover that i am not even a 1% "angel".
i felt very ashamed and embarrassed of myself and my own actions.
enough said.

maybe this is the correct answer as to why..
.. "WHY" i am who, what, and how i became who i am like now.

i highly suspect that i am actually an extremely selfish / self-centred person now.
(or maybe it should not even be "highly suspect", but "confirmatory")

i only thought of myself, thought that things will work out this way, thought that everything will be fine this way.. etc etc.
(yes, it is only about me and my thoughts)
when it is not, clearly not, obviously not.

i forgot to think of others, think of how others may think, think of how others may feel, think of how others may have other urgent intended business to attend to.. etc etc.

my actions are simply..
.. selfish.
.. inappropriate.
.. irresponsible.

it is no wonder my boy is crazily, fiercely, and furiously MAD at me.

i guess this should not have come as a surprise to me.
since my boy was already angry about some similar issues along this line just a few days ago.

quoting my boy: "it is not always about you.. why must it always be about you?"

you're right.
nothing is about me.
i need to feel more comfy opening my mouth to ask / say / inform / update others around me more regularly.
especially when i am dependent on them for a ride back to.. simply put, anywhere.

~ Beautiful Season ~

加油!

2011-06-14T23:41:00.002+08:00

life is seriously never a bed of roses.
life is always full of ups and downs.

sometimes, certain things happen..
sometimes, certain things hit you..
.. when you least expected it.
.. when you don't even know wth happened.

despite all these sh!t that somehow always happen, life continues regardless..

.. DON'T GIVE UP, 加油!

"加油!"
(a scribble/doodle i drew during my recent monthly meeting)

~ Beautiful Season ~

"Chobits" trading card official binder + trading cards collection! ^^

2011-04-22T23:06:00.015+08:00

i have just received a gigantic box heaped full of goodies that i bought and shipped straight from Japan. @_@
Japanese goodies and shipping costs are extremely dear and expensive! x_x

in any case, what is done is already done (paid/bought/shipped) le. :S
i would like to, nonetheless, introduce a few of my goodies slowly up my blog. (:

this is one of my first few consolidated goodies that i picked right out from the "treasure box"..

(i have been really looking forward to open up my goodies and arrange them presentably together! ^^)

.. "Chobits" trading card official binder and trading cards collection~~~! :D:D:D
(it is, unfortunately, missing a "SP-2" card to completion.. -_-")

"Chobits" 原作版 trading card boxes - white + black.
(全93种类)

"Chobits" 原作版 Trading Card Official Binder.
(the official binder comes together with a binder card "B-8")

"Chobits" trading cards (I) - A-1 ~ A-7 + SP-1.
("A-6" and "A-7" are white + black boxes' cards respectively)

"Chobits" trading cards (II) - B-1 ~ B-8.
("B-8" is the binder card)

"Chobits" trading cards (III) - C-1 ~ C-7 + (B-9 + B-10).
("B-9" + "B-10" are special cards that only come together with the "Chobits" Fan Book)

"Chobits" trading cards (IV) - D-1 ~ D-9.
(D-series cards are shiny when reflecting light; the 9-piece puzzle cards complete a beautiful picture)

"Chobits" trading cards (V) - D-10 ~ D-18.

"Chobits" trading cards (VI) - D-19 ~ D-27.

"Chobits" trading cards (VII) - D-28 ~ D-36.

"Chobits" trading cards (VIII) - E-1 ~ E-9.
(E-series cards are normal cards with matt-finishing)

"Chobits" trading cards (IX) - E-10 ~ E-18.

"Chobits" trading cards (X) - E-19 ~ E-27.

"Chobits" trading cards (XI) - E-28 ~ E-36.

"Chobits" trading cards (XII) - card inserts.
(missing a very rare "Chii-front" card insert)

~ Beautiful Season ~

Revival

2011-03-24T23:54:00.001+08:00

"Revival".

if you still read my blog, you would surely have noticed that i have not been updating regularly..
.. especially after i became busier, much much busier:
first, applying and searching to get myself employed.
second, beginning of a routinely-timed working life.
third, sleepyheadZzzzz; everyday is a violent battle against the sleeping demon. -_-"
last, i felt like i had no life of my own, anymore.
boo. :(

i miss school.
i sure do. :(

i decided to revive my blog again! :D
at least i would have a slight blogging session to look forward to everyday. ^^
although the "revival" is not official, since i simply began ranting suddenly one particular morning. x_x

you can ignore my previous older posts, prior to this "revival" ceremony.
because i will most likely repeat the blog entries' content again! (:
of course not repeat, as in serioualy repeating word-for-word..
.. but blog about the same content, but with more details! :D:D:D

this will hold true, especially for my online shopping spree~ uh wells. >.<

~ Beautiful Season ~

Cousin Essence. (:

2011-03-23T23:39:00.001+08:00

happily met up with cousin Belinda yesterday night. (:
(she was visiting friends in NUS)
we went Serangoon NEX to have a good dinner + dessert. ^^

[oops, cousin deary, if you happen to be stumbling upon my blog; let me remind you that, you forgot to buy your Twisties! >.<]

happily met up with cousin Belinda tonight again. (:
(she was visiting friends in SMU)
we went Plaza Singapura to have another great meal + dessert. ^^

[cousin deary, please remember~~~ when you are back in Singapore the next time round, let me give you a good treat! :D:D:D]

Here are some random pictures we took ourselves using 对拍 and 自拍 mode (:P):

my sweet deary cousin Belinda. (:

me Me ME. :X:X:X

perfect cousins shot! ^^

cousins shot; but off-centre. :S:S:S

~ Beautiful Season ~

Tools to enhance BEAUTY~

2011-03-22T23:18:00.004+08:00

well, i have got to admit that i can be very lazy at times. -_-"
boo.

i have received this well-packaged parcel for quite sometime back already.
(not years, months, or weeks; roughly a week or so..)
but i opened it up for (a good look + pictures taking) only now. >.<

i have made a purchase of this pretty complete set of twelve makeup brushes.
based on other buyers' reviews and ratings, they are of pretty great quality. (:
i don't know when i would be able to put them into good use on my piece of lousy face..
.. but let's just say, at least i am prepared to start learning the very basic of the basics, anytime. T_T

you are seeing two identical sets of twelve makeup brushes..
.. because Aunty Ting/Charlene shared the shipping cost with me to purchase a set too! :D
(these makeup brushes are shipped all the way from South Korea anyways)

opening up of the box~~~ and i accidentally cut my thumb instead. -_-"

opening up of the "pouch"~~~ the brilliant twelve makeup brushes! ^^

~ Beautiful Season ~

r-a-n-d-o-m

2011-03-21T23:19:00.000+08:00

*r-a-n-d-o-m* picture of the day! (:

GIANT jellyfish! ^^

~ Beautiful Season ~

the ART of cutting HaiR~

2011-03-20T23:27:00.002+08:00

i have been trying to get my hair cut shorter and neater before i begin working..
.. it somehow didn't work out that way.

i tried scheduling my hairdressing day to two to three weeks before celebrating Chinese New Year..
.. it somehow got delayed once again.

one fine day~
i managed to reach home earlier than usual (was at a company visit nearby).
surprisingly, i didn't immediately crawl into bed for a good catching-up sleep..
.. hence i finally got my hair cut! :D

BUT.
i mistakenly cut it too short. :'(

my brother even commented that my new haircut looks messier than before. @_@
i seriously hope not. :X

the "messy" look.
(= the hair goes haywire whenever the wind blows~)

the "neater" look.
(= equipped with a good hair-band to keep the hair off my face even when strong winds are blowing~)

~ Beautiful Season ~

random Baviphat Fruity Masks~ ^^

2011-03-19T23:30:00.012+08:00

i was rather rudely awakened by an extremely persistent insurance agent, whom i had only bought travel insurance from previously.
i was too deeply and soundly asleep (i was very tired) than to bother waking up just to pick up his calls.
anyways, he tried calling me on my mobile; i was fast asleep then, i am obviously not going to wake up just because of the call. -_-"

BUT.
that's NOT the end.

he actually tried reaching me at my house next. -_-"
that is so damn freaking irritating.
i wanted to continue sleeping like a pig also cannot, must be rudely stirred awake once again by his subsequent call to my house.
seriously, please wake up your idea; if i am not picking up any of your calls, would calling me at my house make me answer your calls instead?! Zzzzz.
some people simply have no common sense. -.-

am i obliged to answer/ return your numerous no. of calls, Mr. Insurance Agent, because i have previously bought travel insurance from you at your discounted price?
or because i have yet to buy anything else from you that you can happily profit from me, but since i have already began working recently, i would no longer have anymore excuses to wrestle myself out for not buying more expensive insurance from you?

Mr. Insurance Agent here had been trying to contact me for the freaking x-00th time.
i have been receiving loads and loads of missed calls from both his mobile, office, and unknown variable numbers, but i have never bothered returning any calls since i simply have no extra free time to entertain YOU! Zzzzz.
i am too busy occupied at work to be answering my mobile for your calls, for goodness' sake! -_-"
i am NOT you, who work mainly through networking and calling/answering/returning calls!
i don't even bring out my mobile when i am at work, in meetings, or even during lunching!

~~~ end of rant ~~~

on a happier note, i was able to wake up on time after this annoying incident that interrupted my peaceful beauty sleep.
i managed to make it to the post office before it closes, to self-collect my previously missed-delivered bulky mail.
this marks the end (last) of my mass orders for my first Gmarket "shopping spree"! (:

Here are a few preview shots to my "Baviphat Fruity Masks"~ ^^:
(i have yet to un-bubble-wrap them. >.<)

Inside-the-Box (I).

Inside-the-Box (II).

~ Beautiful Season ~

カードキャプターさくら/库洛魔法使/Cardcaptor Sakura

2010-11-07T23:57:00.005+08:00

i went out and bought two books today. (:

no, i am not being hardworking.
the books are.. a different type of books.

the books are more of guidebooks, or maybe, collectors' books.
the books are illustrated with colourful pictures (not the entire book, of course!)
the books are in Japanese Language.
the books are out-of-print now.

i bought them anyways, despite knowing it is a waste of money..! x_x
BOO!
but i am very determined to lay my hands on the entire series of such books.
"Cardcaptor Sakura" is, after all, a classic!
not to mention, my "first love" too~! <3

cover(s).

back(s).

inside-I.

inside-II.

~ Beautiful Season ~

farnee dinner.

2010-11-06T23:44:00.001+08:00

this was my dinner.

*drumroll* *drumroll*

TA-DAaaa~~~

a plate of farnee-coloured veggies on rice! x_x
a bowl of (potatoes + carrots) soup was also included in my dinner..
.. but unfortunately, it was too normal to be uploaded here.
HAHA. :P:P:P

this reminds me of "Biuret Test".
(hmmmm, come to think of it, "Iodine Starch Test" too!)

~ Beautiful Season ~

a complete FAILURE.

2010-11-04T23:16:00.000+08:00

i wished..

.. my interview skills were better.
.. my 临场反应 skills were better.
.. my presentation skills were better.
.. my brains were better and react faster.
.. i was more eloquent and persuasive.

i think i may only end up being one of those unemployed fresh graduates.
not fresh anymore somemore.
because the next batch of fresher graduates are graduating soon.

i did very much worse today than the Singapore Jurong Bird Park job interview.
it is not that i went completely unprepared.
but maybe i prepared incorrectly and inappropriately.
i prepared with too much emphasis added onto the tiny little piece of "homework" they have tasked on me.
little did i know that i actually didn't even get a chance to speak more than 10% of what i had originally painstakingly prepared.
i was too worried about my tiny little piece of "homework" that i completely forgot to research more in-depth on the company than merely knowing simply the surface information.
i can only tell myself, "well done already lor, well done."
how stupid and foolish of me.

this job interview was actually rather informal and light-mooded.
everybody, at a point in time, actually laughed at something or about something.
i know this interview is to lighten the atmosphere up, yet purposely disturb me and bombard me with loads of questions (relevant or irrelevant) to throw me off-guard..
.. snide remarks targeting my words, my answers, and my powerpoint presentation.
they want to create stress within a situation involving me, and see how i would react or handle the situation.

oh, and Chinese translations, anyone?
i may have spoken good conversational Chinese.
but to translate or explain economics technical terms in Chinese is a different story altogether.
it is as good as asking you to explain the theory behind Chemistry, Physics, or Biology.. in Chinese?

i don't know whether i should laugh or cry at myself and my pathetic FAIL performance during the interview.
i only know..
.. i fared badly.
.. i failed.
i failed.. with a big Big BIG "F".
i cannot even get offered a job at the Singapore Jurong Bird Park, let alone this.

~ Beautiful Season ~

(r a n d o m).

2010-11-02T23:02:00.003+08:00

Zhengqi deary's birthday gift for me arrived promptly at the door yesterday morning. (:
how sweet, just nice, a day before my birthday! :D

BUT.

the birthday gift = the USA -> Singapore postage price.
*faints*! >.<
but very appreciated nonetheless. :D:D:D

i wished i wasn't running a fever today.
(but i did; coupled with terrible migraine headaches too)
i wished i wasn't alone on my birthday.
(my family were with me though)
i wished i was out enjoying myself on my birthday.
(i did went out for awhile with my mummy tonight)
i wish these pictures below were taken happily on my birthday.
(they were NOT anyways. -_-")

pictures i take when i am dead bored:
(posing with Zhengqi deary's green tortoise pillow pet i lugged home from USA! ^^)

(r a n d o m)-I.

(r a n d o m)-II.

(r a n d o m)-III.

(r a n d o m)-IV.

~ Beautiful Season ~

Oba-san(s) gathering.

2010-10-30T23:34:00.003+08:00

caught up with Aunty Ting today.
we happy happy eating-shopping-b!tching etc etc.
HAHA. :D:D:D

MacDonald on to the game of Monopoly once again.
heard from Aunty Ting that the S$80,000 has already been redeemed. -_-"
that's pretty fast right! @_@
two other GRAND prizes remaining, along with other mini-prizes.
HAHA. :X:X:X
(i am not that interested anymore; because my pan bread always eat with me de, now nobody eat with me. boo.)

bought a pair of sapphire blue flat-soled shoes.
(yay! no heels! but still very pretty nonetheless! ^^)
there were gold, silver, and sapphire blue..
.. Aunty Ting immediately pointed out the pair of sapphire blue. (:
sapphire blue is a pretty unique colour anyways. :D
(gold and silver are okies lor, maybe next time!)

sadly, the pair is not exactly my size.
it is size 35.
i wear size 36.
but the pair fits me alright. o.O
it is abit tight at the front.
the sales person advised me to stuff newspapers to slightly widen the front. x_x
LOL. :P:P:P

i got bitten and eaten by Domo-kun with his BIG mouth. :'(

Aunty Chan and Aunty Ting.
(oba-san(s).. resting..)

i didn't realise how BIG my blister is! @_@
(it looks overwhelming on my small toe)

another shot comparing with my fingers. @_@
(it is HUGE right? x_x)

~ Beautiful Season ~

N@@B.

2010-10-29T23:23:00.004+08:00

i headed down to the Singapore Jurong Bird Park for a job interview today.
it is seriously d@mn faaaar. @_@
HAHA.

by bus and train (the faster option): at least 1.5 - 2 hours.
by only buses (the slow like pokkai option): at least a good 2.5 - 3 hours on the road.
uni-direction somemore. x_x

looking at any other better options would be to consider those Express buses.
(my house has this Express 506 that can bring me straight to Bukit Batok, terminating at Jurong East)
they may be able to speed up the time wasted on the journey, provided no traffic jam. @_@

anyways, this is my first formal job interview that i had gotten.
so i appear freaking n@@b. -_-"

the n@@b-ish me.
(try ignoring the untidy background and cluttered desk)

another closer shot.
(too bad this Sony Ericsson X10 mini cannot zoom de)

new shoes with heels!
they are pretty and cheap (bought in Indonesia)..
.. but at the same time, "costly" to my feet at a gigantic price.

*BE WARNED. BELOW MAY CONTAIN FREAKING GROSS PICTURES YOU MAY NOT WANT TO SEE OF MY UGLY FEET -_-"*

left feet - a glob of soft watery tissue. x_x

right feet - BLED.. real bad. X_X

~ Beautiful Season ~

a BOR-ing day in childcare.

2010-10-28T23:03:00.004+08:00

don't say i never give it a try.. before commenting.
because i did.

i went and tried.
1000 - 1900 hours.
(that's a good 9 freaking hours okies! x_x)

it is actually very boring.
i may become more deaf than i am alreadys.
my brain may become mentally retarded, if left unchallenged.
(abit insulting, but sadly, it is true)
my degree goes into the dustbin, since i need to study another diploma.
(my degree does NOT add on to the diploma)
anyone with (merely!) a pass in 5 'O' Levels can study the diploma anyways.
(this seriously means, almost anyone?!)

it is seriously NOTHING compared to MOE NIE. @_@
i am sure this also means, pay-wise, it is going to be nowhere near MOE NIE's fantastical pay, or even an expected average degree holder's starting pay.

a small handful of kids left waiting for their parents to come fetch them home..

~ Beautiful Season ~

Endless worries. x_x

2010-10-27T23:34:00.004+08:00

hmmmm.

i am actually pretty much worried sick about not being able to get any job interview(s)/offer(s) at the end of the day.
it appears that a good honours degree will actually do a fresh graduate more good landing job interview(s)/offer(s)..
.. than that of holding merely a normal bachelor's degree, be it merit or not. :(:(:(

i certainly need to be more firm and resolute in rejecting ridiculous job interview(s)/offer(s)..
.. such as becoming a childcare teacher etc.
(you simply need to pursue a diploma in early childhood, or something to that extent)
i should have rejected the job interview in the first place.
i have zero idea why i even decided to go ahead and submit a job application for something i do not want/have no zest/have no passion/have no interest/see no future in.

is a Bachelor's Degree with Merit really so useless? x_x
yes, i know, even though degree holders nowadays are nothing special liao, but.. aren't there anything else more suitable than that of a childcare teacher etc.? o.O
(uhhhh, yes, MOE NIE teaching is definitely a better option, that i already had in mind le)

anyways, i came across this farnee "rejection" letter:
(contrary to "rejection" letters to job applicants; do have a good laugh! :D:D:D)

Dear [Interviewer's Name]:

Thank you for your letter of [date]. After careful consideration, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me employment with your firm. This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates it is impossible for me to accept all refusals.

Despite [Firm's Name]'s outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet with my needs at this time. Therefore, I will initiate employment with your firm immediately following graduation. I look forward to seeing you then.

Best of luck in rejecting future candidates.

Sincerely,

[Your Name]

~ Beautiful Season ~

Mis-adventures with Monster King~

2010-10-24T23:10:00.005+08:00

met up with the legendary Monster King, Yoke Yuan! :D
seriously a very long loooong time no see each other le.

many Many MANY good luckssss be with Monster King and his France dream~ ^^

DOMO-KUN! :D:D:D
(Zhengqi deary always like to tease me about my big mouth being as BIG as Domo-kun. -_-")

~ Beautiful Season ~

Kinokuniya - Autumn Story!

2010-10-23T23:23:00.002+08:00

it is again the festive season to rejoice! :D:D:D
Kinokuniya is having an ongoing 20% members' discount storewide now, from 21st to 25th October 2010! :):):)

Kinokuniya - Autumn Story.

i had headed down promptly to Kinokuniya yesterday, with only a mere intention of purchasing my usual manga(s) craze's worth.
however, i noticed quite a strange phenomenon that i have never seen before.
(or maybe because i don't take note that much anyways; i am slow. x_x)
many shoppers were carrying around several bulky items of what appear to be boxes wrapped inside magazines. @_@
that caught my attention straight away, since the boxes inside magazines could only mean = freebies! :D:D:D
but the prices are generally in the S$25 range, stretching across a range of S$16+ - S$35+, even up to S$40!
that immediately woke me up to my senses, and i bought home only my usual manga(s) for my collection.

to my utter surprise, i had bought two of the five manga(s) previously already. -_-"
thus now, i have duplicate copies! Zzzzz.. -_-"
heading back to Kinokuniya today to exchange my (still nicely sealed) duplicate copies, i found..
.. there are even MORE people patronising Kinokuniya now.
(it is a weekend, of course!)
everybody is simply looking around and discussing about the sales of the various mooks (mook = magazine + book). @_@
what's the hottest, what's worth to buy, what's not.. etc etc.
following what i had read up and researched on about the freebies given this autumn/winter season/collection by the various mooks yesterday..
.. the Fred Perry Autumn/Winter Collection 2010 - this grey tote bag, is very worth a buy! :D:D:D
hence, i exchanged my two duplicate manga copies, and used my membership card for an extra 20% off, and paid an additional S$10.98 to bring home this:

Fred Perry - Autumn and Winter 2010 Collection Book.

Fred Perry - the freebie in the box.

Fred Perry - the freebie tote bag! :D:D:D
(material feels really good! ^^)

inside the mook..

inside the mook..

S$28.70 x 0.8 = S$22.96!
(i know i know, it is still rather expensive.. @_@)

~ Beautiful Season ~

Elfen Lied.

2010-09-17T00:34:00.005+08:00

i stumbled across "Elfen Lied" pretty fatefully, purely by accident.
the theme and story plot were what attracted my attention.

when the age of humanity comes to a supposed end, due to a new mutated species "Diclonius" arising.
but they are either killed at birth, or kept captive and prisoned within a research facility subjected to torturous experiments.

the story begins..
when a dangerous Diclonius "Lucy" escapes from the research facility, killing many soldiers brutally in the process..

there are plenty of gore, acts of violence, and nudity (NOT perverse), shown throughout the series, summing up in only 13 episodes.
but the series is also very sad, depressing, and touching.
(i seriously cannot get enough of "Elfen Lied". >.<)

"Elfen Lied" - opening picture.

"Elfen Lied".

"Elfen Lied".

"Elfen Lied" - Lucy, in captive.

"Elfen Lied" - Nyuu, always innocent.

~ Beautiful Season ~

心声

2010-07-29T22:49:00.001+08:00

我需要更加学会如何做人。

~ Beautiful Season ~

Taiwan -> Singapore

2010-07-20T23:53:00.003+08:00

happy happy! :D

~ Beautiful Season ~

GRADuation!

2010-07-17T23:22:00.004+08:00

school life would always be missed.
enough said.
boo.

me Me ME.

*hearts*

daddy, mummy, and me! :D:D:D

me Me ME.
(GRAD-uation!)

me Me ME.
(GRAD-uation!)

~ Beautiful Season ~

FAT FAT rodent.

2010-07-14T23:47:00.001+08:00

FAT FAT rodent..
.. caught in action!

@_@

@_@ @_@

~ Beautiful Season ~

hurt + humiliated.

2010-07-08T23:31:00.000+08:00

i have had enough.
i never thought this would ever happen to me.

i am normally the one getting terminated (as a tutor).
due to various reasons (graduation, unable to control and discipline kid, .. etc etc.).
i am on the verge of terminating my tuition student(s) now.

i have four tuition students under my "wings" at the moment.
(my busiest period can have up to six tuition kids)
but i came to realise today that, as much as i would love to deny, one of my tuition kid is very rude.
she has serious attitude problem, and expects (almost) everything to revolve around her, and only her.

she was alright at first.
her Additional Mathematics on Geometrical Proofs was in a mess.
she doesn't know how to do almost all the questions.
it is not she doesn't understand the proofs and theorems.
but because she doesn't know how to apply them.
anyways, she texted me "SOS".

i came for tuition, arriving early by fifteen minutes too.
she was still alright then.

she tried doing the questions again.
she found herself stuck.
she doesn't know how to do.
that is when her seriously bad attitude began to show.

she listened and wrote down whatever that i taught her after solving the question(s) initially.
she stopped doing and trying the questions altogether abruptly.
she started pacing around, doing other irrelevant stuff (eg. iphone), and stoning.
when i asked her, "why you seem so sians? why aren't you trying the questions?"
she replied in a rude and exasperated tone, "I DUNNO HOW TO DO LA!"
eventually after awhile, i gave up asking her, and encouraged her instead, doing the questions myself in the meantime.

she doesn't even seem interested in listening in my explanations for solving the questions after sometime.
she completely ignored and spaced out.
her attitude became real bad.
careless errors that i made, she questioned in doubt.
that was still alright.
it was after all my fault.

but.

she complained after awhile, "my test is TOMORROW, and i don't even know how to do the questions!"
i understand her desperation.
i mean, who doesn't want to be prepared, and excel in their tests and examinations?
but but but, she only asked me to teach and explain Geometrical Proofs to her late last week to early this week.

PROOFS leh.
not easy to solve and prove leh.
let alone teach!
there is NO systematic approach to a proving question!
because every question is simply different in their own ways!
(there is a reason why they don't mind providing you with a formulae list)
you simply practise, practise, and more practise!
how to teach you, feed you, and ensure you score an "A" tomorrow, if you ask me for help this late?!
why didn't you make use of your time well in the four-weeks June holidays to ask me during tuitions?!
i didn't even see you that much as i expected (when you said you want to PIA hard hard).

she continued her rant rudely, "sec3 i no tuition, i get A1. after i got tuition, i get B3. now tuition with you, i get C6. tuitions aren't helping my results at all, and is instead making my results worse!"
it is the first time i heard a student pointing fingers at the tutor for causing her academic results to drop.
i mean HUH.
shouldn't you be reflecting on yourself first?
what if you didn't have any tuition, maybe you would have dropped further to an E8 or F9?
and of course, you may say, you are too intelligent for that kind of sh!tty results.

when her test results come back good good.
she said it is no thanks to me, but due to all her efforts.
when her examination results come back bad bad.
it became all my fault, not because she didn't put in enough effort to make it good good.
i don't understand.
i couldn't blame anyone, except myself, when my A' levels Physics managed only a "B".
(i had Physics tuition then)

she even brought her poor friend into the picture, "maybe friend (also my tuition kid) thinks you are good. because her results from E8 dragged up to D7. but my results dropped from B3 to C6!"
i am deeply hurt by her words.
i have taught her for EIGHT freaking months, and she is now saying i DE-proved her results instead.
throughout the whole ordeal, i was deeply hurt, but understanding her exasperation, i didn't tell her off.
i encouraged her on the otherhand, that O' levels would be better.
she simply brushed off rudely, "whatever."

ending tuition and leaving her place, i tried arranging the next tuition.
she said in an ugly tone, "dunno la. see the test how tomorrow."
i felt very down and useless.
i almost broke down, but didn't, tears simply threatened to roll down my cheeks.
i didn't cared that i strolled to the bus stop so slowly that i missed two consecutive buses 30.

i messaged her poor E8->D7 "friend" she spoke about.
i told her to add oil to her test tomorrow, considering that i barely had any time to help her for the Geometrical Proofs chapter.
i also told her to add oil for her piano grading examination tomorrow.
then i told her that her attitude problem "friend" is upset with me.
i told her reasons, and hope that at the end of the day, the attitude problem "friend" can don't understand me, but maybe she would understand.
she never reply.

i texted the problematic attitude gurl after awhile that we didn't have much time concentrating on Geometrical Proofs chapter.
we would need to keep on practising similar questions to get ourselves familiarised.
i also texted that i am serious in trying to help as much as possible, because we are in this together, thus we need to jiayous and work hard together.
i then concluded by saying that i would start revision once all chapters are taught and covered by the school.
she replied, again, in a whatever-tone, "anything."
i stopped sms-ing her then.

but.

she messaged me instead.
she asked that she doesn't understand why i need to take so long to do and solve questions.
she also remarked that her results are dropping because tuitions are getting less productive.
she pointed out that i only managed to solve FOUR questions in TWO hours.
(i dunno which tuition day she is implying, if it is regarding today, i did at least EIGHT questions)
she doesn't understand why am i leaving at such an important point in her life.
she doesn't know if her route towards O' levels is correct.
namely, probably she doesn't know what to do.
lastly, she commented (i feel that is beyond rude) that her mummy also doesn't agree with my rate for an university graduate.

i replied to explain myself that different questions would take different amounts of time to solve.
some questions i solved very fast, but some i would need longer periods of time.
especially for Trigonometry Identities and Geometrical Proofs-related types of questions.
because it is completely non-template based, NO systematic approach, and basically plainly application questions.
i said i didn't take half an hour for every question she posed to me.
(sure, some questions i got stuck, and i would bring home to solve instead)
that would be downright really very UN-productive.
but that clearly isn't the case at all.

i proposed that since this is a waste of time to her.
she can dump me all her questions at one go then.
i would bring all the questions home to solve, and teach her the solutions in the next tuition.
thus would be able to save her time and money by doing other more productive stuff in the meantime.

i also answered myself for choosing to leave at such a critical point of her life at this time.
(it is only for a month anyways, but i would be missing most of her preliminary examinations by the time i am back)
i am graduating.
it is either graduation trip now, or never.
because after this trip, i would have to get myself a proper job in the society.
which is why i have hoped to be able to squeeze in as many tuitions as possible this month, before i fly off.

i told her that the rate is the same as her poor E8->F9 "friend".
since she is introduced to me by her E8->F9 "friend".
i went on to state that university graduates have the potential to become MOE teachers, including myself.
and she should know that MOE teachers charge at an extremely high rate.
(since her other tutors are junior college teachers, charging at S$90/hour and S$120/hour)
i didn't charge that much anyways, not even half.

lastly, i told her again to stay positive, and stop dwelling in negativity.
i am here to help her, because we are in this together, and i am standing by her side.
she simply replied, " do you charge all your other students the same rate?"

i dunno what is her issue or problem here.
i am so NOT worth the money or rate, despite teaching her for eight stupid months already, that she hopes to lower the rate?
she rather spends MORE money on engaging a MOE junior college teacher, because he or she then is WORTH the higher amount of money or rate?
i don't get her anymore.
she is mad.

i merely replied, "all same rate. depends on levels. used to have primary and lower secondary. charges lower rate."
she stopped replying.

i am sick and tired of her attitude.
she can replace me and terminate me for all i care.
because i am heading to seek full-time employment now.
i no longer require this part-time tutor job.
when i was still worrying over their O' levels, and feeling responsible for them, decided to take them to November when they would officially graduate.
some people are just NOT worth it.

i am only human.
i also need time to think, understand, and solve Mathematics.
tutor does NOT make a Mathematics genius.
i dunno what she wants, or expects.

i am terminating my tuitions (and responsibility) with her.
unless her attitude changes for the better.
i would need to speak to the mother.
(like mother, like daughter?)
but i highly doubt so anyways.
termination seems more like a plausible choice.

this would probably mean the end of my "career" as a teacher/tutor.
this further affirms my decision NOT to join a teaching career with the MOE.

~ Beautiful Season ~

phone scam.

2010-07-02T12:18:00.005+08:00

it appears i am always somewhat involved in some sort of a phone scam.

internet/email scams regarding striking lottery, inheritance, and free gifts, worth up to millions of dollars.. etc etc.
are all nothing but bullsh!t. -_-"
SERIOUSLY.
i always ignored them + deleted them straight.

but.

phone scams calling straight into my mobile; i simply am unable to judge based only on the number displayed (caller id), who exactly issit calling.
thus i always ended up picking up such dubious calls.
(of course, not all unknown calling numbers are of shady and ambiguous origins)
especially when they are incredibly persistent and kept calling repeatedly, even after i either missed their calls or rejected their calls previously.
because i believe that it may be an urgent or important call of some sort (for the caller to keep trying to call back).

the most obvious phone scams are clearly surveys only conducted in CHINESE, in this dominant English-speaking Singapore community.
SERIOUSLY.
they are companies based in China, Malaysia, and Hong Kong.. etc etc.
they are doing a market survey to find out the consumer trend in Singapore.
they would be holding a/an exhibition/charity drive/lucky draw fair in Singapore, Johor Bahru (JB), and Kuala Lumpur (KL).. etc etc.
(please try to be present as you would be automatically entered into the lucky draw for chances to win fabulous prizes.. bullsh!t.)
these harmless surveys are done and over with, i don't really care.

these few days i am again involved in such an elaborate phone scam.
i am pretty amused actually.
because these phone scammers normally STOP calling me when they heard that i am a (POOR) student.
there is simply no money for them to scam! -_-"

this phone scammer, however, followed me through, even when i had already made it clear that i am merely an undergraduate, another (POOR) student.

it started out as an innocent dumb call asking to do a market survey of some cr@p i cannot remember.
she told me to try come down for a charity drive they are organising at Victoria Street/Raffles/City Hall (somewhere there) i cannot remember.
the charity event was held on 23rd June 2010.

she (don't know whether it is the same person or not) called back few days later to enquire whether i was present on the day of the event.
she then proceeded to introduce herself as 罗晶灵, a company representative of 华联 something i also cannot remember.
she congratulated me saying i was extremely lucky to have won a big prize from the lucky draw.
she didn't tell me what prize issit, but asked instead for my personal particulars to verify my identity.
whatever. -_-"

she called back again afterwards to congratulate me once again on winning the big prize, and that my identity is double-checked and verified to be the winner.
i have won myself a 15 days luxurious, all-expenses-paid tour trip to Europe, panning 7 countries (including Germany, Italy, France, and England.. etc etc.).
the trip will commence from Hong Kong, and i am to fly back and fro Hong Kong myself (at my own expenses) to participate in this Europe tour.
and i have to fly by the end of July 2010.
i can even bring along 3 other family members, and it is completely free! -_-"

alternatively, she said i can also forfeit the tour package offer, and exchange it for cash, by selling back to the company at a 20% discount rate.
i would be able to receive HKD$400,000 (original price: HKD$472,000).

when i told her i needed sometime to consider the offer, and i definitely have to ask my family whether they are interested in going.
she said instead, "i need time to do the necessary paperwork for you. have you told your family about our company, charity drive, and lucky draw? what would their likely response be if you suddenly break the news to them? i am sure you can decide for yourself whether your schedule allows you to go. because you definitely have to go, and this prize is non-transferable."
i told her to cash the prize then.
she said she will do the necessary paperwork and get back to me once the cash prize is ready.

then came the best part.
she ended the phone call with, "nowadays robbery, pickpocket, and burglary is very common. to safeguard your safety, your money, and your prize, please do not disclose the news of winning this prize to anybody, including your parents and friends. keep it to yourself until you have received your cash on hand, isn't that more secure then?"

that is by far the most ridiculous advice i have ever heard.
if i cannot even share the news with my family and loved ones, what is so happy about winning such a bullsh!t prize?!

SERIOUSLY BULLSH!T. -_-"

~ Beautiful Season ~

(:

2010-06-28T23:16:00.000+08:00

everything is good again. (:

~ Beautiful Season ~

LATE = BREAK?

2010-06-26T16:53:00.001+08:00

i am sad.

today i made my boyfriend mad.
because i was late.

because i stupidly went to transfer three buses.
the waiting time was abnormally long for a particular bus.
(maybe affected by the road diversion too)
and there was a massively huge jam that started at the expressway diversion into KPE and AYE, all the way till the exit to Rocher Road (Suntec City).
this traffic jam was one of the worst of the worst i have encountered.
(simply put, it happened right on the EXPRESSWAY. -_-"
i cannot even choose to alight and walk instead, even if i wanted to.)

being late is like a terrible bad habit of mine.
i would always be somewhat late, but hardly would i ever be so bloodly late.
my boyfriend has always been rather forgiving in this issue.
but not in this case.

not this time.

i was already very pissed off at my lousy decision of buses sometimes.
especially at times like this.
of course, this is nobody's fault, but mine.
i had to also face his wrath.

i am not complaining.
it is certainly my fault, foolish, ignorant, causing a misjudgment.
but i thought he would be more understanding.
(since he has always teased me about it, and accepted me with this flaw.)
instead he said, "you are already late. traffic jams only make you more late."
this incident simply erupted off a horrible fight after that, which almost cost us a breakup.

and now, he wanted to think.
he wanted to think carefully.
he wanted to think things through.
about the whole picture.
about us.

what is there to think about?
i am already set on going to the States with him.
i am already planning to marry him in the future.
he agreed.

but now, it became it would be better for us to think about things.

how comforting.

i am sad.

~ Beautiful Season ~

(r a n d o m).

2010-06-24T23:34:00.002+08:00

farnee game.

Aunty Ting got me hooked and addicted to it.
i got her hooked and addicted to "LIAR GAME".

HAHA!

"Plants vs. Monsters" - day.

"Plants vs. Monsters" - night.

~ Beautiful Season ~

The Happy Aunties. (:

2010-06-22T23:50:00.002+08:00

"hooked" up with Aunty Ting.

she has:
1. Carmel, the labrador
2. Kagen, the golden retriever
3. Whabby, the white rabbit

but she doesn't have:
my adorable 乌龟s! >.<

DOTS. -_-"

"hello, i am Hello Kitty!"
*meow meow*

Aunty Ting + Aunty Chan = MAD-ness! :D:D:D

~ Beautiful Season ~

LIAR GAME.

2010-06-21T23:56:00.008+08:00

addiction.
when LIAR GAME (Season I) is released few years back.

and.

re-addiction.
when LIAR GAME (Season II) is released recently.

however.

missing LIAR GAME episode zero + phantom episode X.

LIAR GAME - Toda Erika (Kanzaki Nao) + Matsuda Shota (Akiyama Shinichi).

Toda Erika (Kanzaki Nao).

Matsuda Shota (Akiyama Shinichi).

LIAR GAME (Season 1).

Toda Erika (Kanzaki Nao).

Matsuda Shota (Akiyama Shinichi).

LIAR GAME (Season 2).

hold it right there!
it hasn't end.. just yet.

LIAR GAME (Movie) - The Final Stage.
(coming to Singapore 29th July 2010!)

~ Beautiful Season ~

revive! my (r a n d o m)-ness! :D

2010-06-18T23:51:00.007+08:00

aiyo!
i was supposed to revive my blog de!
but, er, that was like.. since few months ago? o.O
hmmmm, i am simply too slack and lazy nowadays le laaaa~~~ how how how? :X:X:X

anyways.
my dearest "scandalous" pair of Sino-Sing friends, Delph and Elvis, told me how easy it was to actually "stalk" me and my blog (on my past)! @_@
dot dot dot.
*faints* laaaa~!
HAHA!

i should revive my blog..
.. if there are any of my dearest friends out there who are still following and reading it?
are there any of you left?
AUNTY TINGGGG lehhhh?
boo. >.<

er, but i seriously don't want AND i detest any unwelcomed idiots reading up further on my blog..
.. especially those ex-"friends" (of any sort of relationships with me in the past) filled with vengeance or malicious intentions.
maybe that is also why i grew.. sort of lazy.. to update my blog? x_x

okies okies.
i shall try to remember to update (r a n d o m) thoughts about myself and my life everyday. :D:D:D
(they may be late entries though. >.<)
this blog, after all, was created for me to keep track of the tiny bits and pieces of my everyday life.
because we are all bound to forget certain memories (or blurred memories) after awhile..
.. hmmmm. (:

these screenshots are what i have been up to.. during the late nights:

CABALSEA - I

CABALSEA - II

CABALSEA - III

~ Beautiful Season ~

cr@ppy sh!t.

2010-05-05T13:54:00.005+08:00

一名身患重病的病人到医院去求医。
医生：到底发生了什么事？你怎么会病得那么严重？
病人：前些日子，我得了个普通的小感冒。
医生：只是普通的小感冒？那你应该尽早来求医呀！
病人：我又怎么会知道我的病情会因此而加重？我又不会预测未来！如果我早能知道这种事情会发生，我早就来求医了！

一名法官正在审判一名涉嫌蓄意伤人的嫌疑犯。
法官：你为什么要拿刀刺他？
嫌犯：因为他把我给惹火了。
法官：你又为何会那么的生气，气急败坏到需要拿刀来刺他？
嫌犯：是他先挑拨离间，我才会那么做。
法官：你懂不懂蓄意伤人，在任何场合下，都是不对的？
嫌犯：可是可是，有因才有果，明明是他先那么做，我才会有这种反应！如果他没有先挑拨离间，我又怎么会拿刀刺他？

~ Beautiful Season ~

(r a n d o m)-ness.

2010-04-30T23:28:00.002+08:00

i am typing this blog entry on my daddy's new iTouch.
i really should be studying hard for my last paper instead.
but i feel rather tired and lazy.
boo.

despite not following the latest gossips and entertainment news much nowadays.
i managed to come across the latest ongoing news regarding 王心凌 Cyndi and her bastard retard (shall label him as such, because i seriously feel strongly against his ungentlemanly actions) ex-boyfriend, 范植伟 Wing.

despite not liking or supporting Cyndi very much anyways.
(i find her too act cute and abit too exaggerating.)
i certainly support her and applaud her for the courage in dealing with this incident.

she must have been terribly hurt deeply..
.. by some idiotic guy whom she used to give her all in the past..
.. but yet is targeting her for some utterly ridiculous DOTS reasons now.
(a publicity stunt? an April Fools' joke gone horribly wrong?)
it is serioualy none of his business anymore anyways.
it is already all in the past! -.-

seriously, some guys just simply cannot take things lying down..
.. cannot forgive and forget, cannot let bygones be bygones..
.. even though everything's already a thingy of the past.

hmmmm.
this incident, however, does reflect that the society definitely has its handful of such similarly as disgusting and sick-in-the-mind guys, like this 范植伟.

~ Beautiful Season ~

glacial ice.

2010-03-29T16:52:00.004+08:00

i am working on a project involving mirrors vs. glacial ice, regarding the issue of global warming.

came across these beautiful wallpapers of majestic ice glaciers. :DDD

ice glaciers (I).

ice glaciers (II).

~ Beautiful Season ~

past. present. future.

2010-03-14T23:57:00.002+08:00

i don't know how to describe my feelings and emotions in words.

yes..
i was sad.
i was helpless.
i didn't know what to do.

but.

everything changes from this point and this day onwards.

yes..
we are officially back together with each other again. :DDD
(i would like to express my deepest gratitude to all my dearest friends for making this result possible, helping me last through the darkest moments by sharing, listening, and giving advices)
we shall only work towards building a stronger and better long-lasting relationship.

this temporary one month break is not all that bad.
it actually helped us to have a clearer perspective of (each other + the relationship) in our hearts.
we identified many flaws and factors as possible cause of strains and tensions in the relationship.
hence we would definitely work towards being, not only a better person, but also for a better relationship, with only each other in mind. :)))

prior to certain horrible shameless person whom i don't recall or understand how he even managed to step into my life previously.
i am more certain than ever that the past happens for a reason.

the past happened..
to allow me to see through the ugly side of certain shameless male species.
to allow me to meet my current boyfriend ("Pan Bread").
to allow me to fall deeply in love with "Pan Bread".
to allow me to realise that "Pan Bread" is my one and only true love, whom i am more than willing to marry myself to.

i have never doubted that "Pan Bread" is "the one" i am searching for.
this is, indeed, a dream come true. :DDD
nothing is more simple and blissful, than staying and being together with the one you love. <3

~ Beautiful Season ~

fears + butterflies.

2010-03-12T08:35:00.001+08:00

this entire week is rather slow-passing, exhausting, stressful, and unpleasant, i would say.
this Wednesday and Thursday were extremely loooong days. x_x
(early morning 1000 - 2330 hours and 0800 - 2400 hours respectively)

i am veryyyy scared.
i am veryyyy stressed too.
this Saturday's "Rising Stars of Tomorrow" dance competition..
.. i truthfully have ZERO confidence.
i have more important issues at hand to worry about.
yet have to dedicate strength, energy, and attention, to the Latin dances.
(not that i don't love and enjoy dancing)

i want to challenge myself.
overcome my fears and make myself a stronger person.
take this as a valuable experience.

but.

i am still veryyyy scared and stressed. @_@

~ Beautiful Season ~

Kinokuniya - Spring Story.

2010-03-09T23:28:00.003+08:00

yayyyy!

i have been waiting pretty long for this members' event to come..
.. and it is finally here! :D

KINOKUNIYA - SPRING STORY.

~ Beautiful Season ~

陈伟联 - 大海.

2010-03-08T15:36:00.002+08:00

陈伟联 - 大海
(超级星光大道VI - 15强决定赛 = 25满分!)

~ Beautiful Season ~

dreams.

2010-03-07T22:09:00.002+08:00

when the stars don't shine anymore.
and the dreams are shred to pieces.

when life is no longer beautiful and a bed of roses.
and you are at the bottom of the pit.

the only thing you can do is:
slap yourself awake.
awaken from your dreams.
realise you are sitting instead on a bed of thorns.
climb back up to the surface (no matter how hard).
re-evaluate yourself.
change yourself for the better, slowly but surely.
live your life only for yourself, and no one else.
accept the other party, only when he sincerely wants to be a part of your life, together and forever..

whether wishes come true again, or the stars appear to shine again..
.. ultimately will depend on both parties.

~ Beautiful Season ~

Avril Lavigne - Innocence.

2010-03-06T23:27:00.000+08:00

Artiste : Avril Lavigne
Song : Innocence
Album : The Best Damn Thing

Waking up I see that everything is okay
The first time in my life and now it's so great
Slowing down I look around and I am so amazed
I think about the little things that make life great

I wouldn't change a thing about it
This is the best feeling

This innocence is brilliant, I hope that it will stay
This moment is perfect, please don't go away
I need you now
And I'll hold on to it, don't you let it pass you by

I found a place so safe, not a single tear
The first time in my life and now it's so clear
Feel calm I belong, I'm so happy here
It's so strong and now I let myself be sincere

I wouldn't change a thing about it
This is the best feeling

This innocence is brilliant, I hope that it will stay
This moment is perfect, please don't go away
I need you now
And I'll hold on to it, don't you let it pass you by

It's the state of bliss, you think you're dreaming
It's the happiness inside that you're feeling
It's so beautiful it makes you wanna cry

It's the state of bliss you think you're dreaming
It's the happiness inside that you're feeling
It's so beautiful it makes you wanna cry

It's so beautiful it makes you wanna cry

This innocence is brilliant, it makes you want to cry
This innocence is brilliant, please don't go away
'Cause I need you now
And I'll hold on to it, don't you let it pass you by

This innocence is brilliant, it's so beautiful, it's so beautiful
(I hope that it will stay)
This moment is perfect, please don't go away
I need you now
(It makes me wanna cry)
And I'll hold on to it, don't you let it pass you by

~ Beautiful Season ~

positive. positive. positive.

2010-03-05T23:48:00.000+08:00

i want to stay positive.
i need to stay positive.

i will do the necessary things.
i will try my best by putting in my utmost efforts.
i want to use my love and sincerity to make a difference in us.
i want to prove to you that these setbacks and obstacles are nothing.

what doesn't kill a man, only makes him stronger.

~ Beautiful Season ~

Avril Lavigne - Innocence (CANON Singapore).

2010-03-04T03:15:00.005+08:00

Avril Lavigne - Innocence.
(CANON Singapore)

~ Beautiful Season ~

extremelyyyy disgusted.

2010-03-03T22:37:00.008+08:00

what a pathetic guy.
i am ashamed that i was once associated with such a disgusting guy.
even if you are the only one guy left, i would gladly stay away from you.
i never knew you would stoop so low to be so childish and immature.
you destroyed whatever remaining image i have left of you into nothing right this instant.

this is MY blog.
i am free to blog whatever i want.
i merely stated my feelings.
i never asked for your opinions.
i also never regretted anything, especially the breakup with you.
(i am so damn sure i made the right choice after seeing such "wonderful" comments from you)
if you are so dead sore and bitter about it, stay away.

i ain't as sore or bitter as you.
i am simply devastated.
but i respect his decision.
i certainly didn't label his reasons as "shameless".
unlike someone idiotic here.
(you are the only shameless one here. and obviously BLIND to my words.)

nobody in this world owes you a living.
no one.

please continue to take some time off to pay this blog a visit, to read, and further comment on my blog and blog entries.
(at least i have seen through your poker face.)
because you are simply NOTHING to me now.
i can't be bothered with you.

~ Beautiful Season ~

sneakyyyy people.

2010-03-02T19:02:00.001+08:00

this is scaryyyy.
despite not blogging on this blog for roughly three months period, so that certain people would stop "snooping" around my blog for details and information on my life..
(and i thought by doing this, i was protecting you and your feelings. i was soooo wrong.)
.. there are still such people around.

take this straight:
i do NOT regret any of my decisions - break with you, or get together with him.
i do love him alot Alot ALOT.

~ Beautiful Season ~

Maybe..

2010-03-01T16:58:00.005+08:00

this is a song i remember dancing rumba to its melody before.
but hearing it again brings back a flood of overwhelming sadness now.
i could feel as though it was singing my feelings and emotions out aloud.

Artiste : Enrique Iglesias
Song : Maybe
Album : Escape

If I had one single wish
I'd go back to the moment I kissed
You goodbye no matter how hard I tried
I can't live without you in my life

Maybe you'll say you still want me
Maybe you'll say that you don't
Maybe we said it was over
Baby I can't let you go

I walk around to understand
Where we went wrong and I can't pretend
It wasn't me, it wasn't you
But I'm convinced we gave up too soon

Maybe you'll say you still want me
Maybe you'll say that you don't
Maybe we said it was over
Baby I can't let you go

Nothing left to lose after losing you
There's nothing I can't take
When I run to you, when I come for you
Don't tell me I'm too late

Maybe you'll say you still want me
Maybe you'll say that you don't
Maybe we said it was over
Baby I can't let you go

~ Beautiful Season ~

move on.

2010-02-28T23:50:00.000+08:00

it is always painful to be forced to move on from a broken relationship.
when you actually still love him so very much.
when you are very willing to try and work things out again.
but he blatantly refused.
because he is the one who has changed..
.. and his feelings are now different.

i don't understand how one's love, feelings, and emotions could have changed so quickly.
unless he really have never loved me with his heart before.
it hurts bad.. thinking about this.
but there is frankly nothing i can do anymore.

i have taken the necessary steps i thought i should take to follow my heart and salvage the relationship and situation.
but he has changed.
his feelings have changed.
i have made so many moves to ask him to give me another chance, and give us another chance to start afresh.
but he has changed.
his feelings have changed.
i have even cried and begged him to not leave me over stupid misunderstandings that can be solved.
but he has changed.
his feelings have changed.

i want to move on.
but it really isn't so easy.
i don't understand why he must give us up so easily.
and even completely refused to meet or talk to me anymore.
maybe i came across as too desperate, needy, and clingy the last few days.
when my entire world appears to have collasped against me.
especially when he told me bluntly that his feelings for me have diminished.

how can feelings have changed so quickly without notice?
while i missed him bad, thought of him constantly, wanted to see him again, hoping to salvage whatever that is left of us.. etc etc.
he doesn't care or feel a thing towards me or my efforts anymore.
i am so quickly, to him, a thing of the past now.

i always remember the good times, his good traits, the good memories, and how he used to love me so so much.. etc etc.
but now, he couldn't have been less bothered.
when love changes, there is nothing the other party could do to get this love back.
because he simply lock you outside his heart.
maybe there are many factors and reasons behind all this.
but it is always worth talking things over, finding a solution, and hopefully work things out all over again.
because a true love is hard to meet and come by.

i want to move on.
and fulfil his wishes that we are impossible.
i want to move on.
and leave him as quietly as possible, just so he can leave for the States without a burden.
i really really want to move on.
but it is indeed difficult, to know that i have lost his love, so easily and quickly.

i will move on.
i will try my best to move on.
i will let him know that it is his loss that he doesn't want me anymore.
i will let him realise that it is his loss to give up on me and this relationship.
if there is anything left at all, if there is fate and destiny, we will meet each other again five years later, and rekindle the relationship.
it sounds so fairytale.. but for now, i can only think of things this way.

i took up so many tuition assignments to earn money, mainly for preparing to go to the States with him.
but everything lost its meaning now..

my heart hurts.. bad.

~ Beautiful Season ~

devastated.

2010-02-27T23:56:00.004+08:00

i had an extremely unpleasant roller-coaster ride up and down my mental and emotional health these few days.
my devastation is also reflected upon my puffy face, swollen eyes, and a sad and troubled outlook.

i thought he still loved me.
i have never doubted his feelings.
but tonight the lightning(s) and thunder(s) struck me.
he told me his feelings are not the same for me anymore.

it is only a mere ten days after the breakup caused by misunderstandings.
despite already clearing up the differences and misunderstandings.
he still had a change of heart, just like that.
this seriously caught me unaware and off-guard.
it completely broke my heart and shattered me.
*my heart splits wide open, and the blood spills out, yet it refused to stop flowing.*

when he doubted my love.
when he doubted whether i would have a change of heart.
when he doubted whether i would run off with another guy.
his feelings changed first.
the cruelty and heartlessness of a guy who claimed he used to love me.

why and how did we become like this?
all are just pure misunderstandings!
why couldn't we sit down and work things out?
why must he give up easily without a try?

i thought it was the difficulty posed by him going overseas to pursue further studies.
but his feelings actually changed.
i have totally never expected that.

i am left alone.
searching for the shadow of the person who will never return.

i am all alone.
waiting for the message or call from the person who will never call again..

~ Beautiful Season ~

SCARED vs. SCARRED.

2010-02-20T23:57:00.005+08:00

i decided to join elementary Waltz and Samba, intermediate Rumba 1, and intermediate Chacha 2.
alot of dances i am joining and paying for right now.
how am i supposed to cope.
dots.

who cares.
Saturday go for intermediate Rumba 1 and intermediate Chacha 2.
Sunday then go for elementary Waltz and Samba.
忙碌才是最重要的，因为忙碌才可以麻醉一切。

had a farewell party for Stephanie (Ah-nia) leaving for Germany in a week's time.
this happened to coincide incidentally with Vivien's birthday tonight. (:
i was absent-minded sometimes.
this i really have to apologise.
simi "classified ads". -_-"
i also dunno what talking me.

had a great heart-to-heart chat with Stephanie (Ah-nia).
we haven't had one in what feels like yearssss. @_@
i feel stupid anyways la.
HAHA.

i am probably hypothetically correct.
1. i don't have the aura of 人缘.
2. i don't attract the right type of guys, who can be "the one".
3. i don't have the traits that guys would want to treasure and cherish, like their 掌上明珠, rather than easily giving away for the next guy to come along, and pick up this discarded piece of trash (me).
technically speaking, these are probably IT.

i am NOT scared.
i am SCARRED.
huge difference.

~ Beautiful Season ~

肝(心)肠寸断.

2010-02-18T23:53:00.003+08:00

i had a good long chat with a few friends.
some are extremely caring and concerned.
i seriously appreciated that.
thanks loads. (:

it doesn't mean i felt any better.
i am still sad.
in fact, i am extremely sad.
i am so sad, my tears kept welling up.
i know this is all in vain.
i also know this is the passing phrase.
i just had to endure through this heartbreak.
and i will realise this is only another invaluable life lesson learnt again.

i learnt not to trust people so easily.
(i hope this time i really learnt)

i learnt not to be so honest and truthful anymore.
(selective truthfulness is the only way to survive)

i learnt that friends who have never meet or know you all their lives, CAN say horrible things about you in front of your potential beau.
(it is as good as a prophet; they are the PROs)

i learnt that no amount of "LOVE"y-dopey words can replace actual actions done to PROVE their neverending strength of love for you.
(NEVER trust a guy just because he says "he loves you so so so so much that he wants to marry you", and you stupidly believed)

i learnt that i need to be alot more firm, and i definitely need to be more demanding
(being too nice, too soft, or too good, is NOT what a guy wants; he is NEVER going to be satisfied)

i learnt that i need to make sure his great grand LOVE story(ies) of he and his ex(es) is(are) a sure thingy of the past, and that he is NOT remembering the good of his ex(es).
(demand that he and her(them) end ALL sort of contact; magnanimous and understanding NEVER pay; he can easily compare you (present) to her(them) (past), because they are forever imprinted as a wonderful memory in him)

i will and must survive through this period.
it hurts so bad that i felt like i am dead through and through.

BUT.

i badly need to clarify certain issues with him.
you can call it a proper closure, maybe.
or not, i am never going to be able to sleep in peace.

judging by his face, pride, and ego.
and of course, his heartlessness (绝).
(i don't see him so 绝 with his ex; maybe only i deserve this kind of treatment)
it is going to be difficult.

BUT.

no assumption.
no try = don't know.
doesn't give face = 够绝 = shows how much he really loves me.

~ Beautiful Season ~

the END of my "perfect" love~

2010-02-16T23:01:00.004+08:00

wowwww.

it has been such an extremely loooong time since i last blogged.
i didn't have the time, the heart, or the (r a n d o m)ness, to blog..
.. because i was really busyyyy.

i broke up.
got together with another guy.
and broke up again.

i really shouldn't be engaged in a relationship. (:

i am going to have alot more free (r a n d o m) time blogging about alot of cr@p(s). (:(:(:

~ Beautiful Season ~

Kinokuniya Christmas!

2009-12-06T23:12:00.002+08:00

received and read the Kinokuniya monthly e-newsletter (December issue) few days ago..

"Have A KINOKUNIYA Christmas!"

~ Beautiful Season ~

UNluckY day. frowns

2009-11-23T23:36:00.008+08:00

this is probably what happens when it is an UNluckY day.
the 3 modes of public transport simply fails.. on you.

if it wasn't threatening to rain cats and dogs (which it did in the end), maybe it wouldn't have been so screwed up.
maybe, i don't know.
i WAS early, but somehow ended up LATE.

1. the buses either come together or refuse to come.
i was waiting for the usual buses - 21 or 60.
but i waited and waited and waited.
the other buses came and left, came and left.
but there just wasn't any bus 21 or 60 in sight.

when bus 21 finally finally came, it was packed sardine.
and following closely behind it, were 2 buses 60 + another bus 21, all also packed equally sardine. -_-"

this wasn't the worst.

2. you either press your body against the commuters, and just force your way into the train, or you can "patiently" wait for the next FULL train, and the next still FULL train, and the next next next next.. .. ..
.. .. .. how many can you wait when you are rushing for an examination?
because it was raining cats and dogs, i transited to bus 25 to go Kembangan MRT station.
thinking that i would probably have a higher chance squeezing up the train at a station before the always-crowded-during-peak-hours Eunos MRT station, it really wasn't any better there. -_-"

i stared at hordes and hordes of people squeezed in the train up until the doors, and thought to myself, there is no way i can even put my foot in!
i eventually finally got a place to stand in the train, but i was propped up until the door.
upon arriving at Eunos MRT station, there was this man who forcefully (i really mean FORCEfully) pressed and rubbed his big (and i really mean BIG; probably appear even BIGger by proportion since there simply wasn't anymore space) butt into my tummy and *ahem*. WHAT THE HELL?!

*relief* flooded me when it was finally City Hall (interchange) MRT station.
the best has yet to come.
at Raffles Place (interchange) MRT station, they played a nice "ding dong" sound: This train is delayed due to a train fault. We apologise for the inconvenience blah blah blah.. .. .. (repeat in other languages), repeatedly played FOUR freaking irritating times. :(((

the train eventually budged from the station.
but i am already running late (was early, now late) with 20++ minutes more to spare.
i alighted at Outram Park (interchange) MRT station and quickly flagged a cab.

3. the entire route to AYE (Tuas) was JAMMED.
35% more surcharge or not, i don't care.
rushing for examination, i don't want to be late.

with 20 more minutes to spare, cabbing there would ensure i would be on time, even if there is going to be a slight jam at the Buona Vista exit (always jammed there in the mornings last time).
BUT.
the route to AYE (Tuas) just have to be JAMMED.
it was jammed all the way, and i really mean ALL THE WAY.
all the way up till i exited from Buona Vista to get to school.

it is simply craziness.
救我！
cab fare: S$12.40 (including 35% surcharge)
end-result: 9.10am (10 minutes late)

rushed to the examination venue, fortunately only began 5 minutes ago.
but i was completely nervous and flustered, and i took awhile longer before my mind could concentrate.
this sucks.

i am taking bus 30 no matter what happens the next time (this Wednesday).
and i am leaving house 3 hours before examination time (9 - 3 = 6am).

here are some (r a n d o m) shots of a pretty adorable (promotional) thumbdrive (1GB) i received from my father. :)))
it is just so freaking cute! >.<

~ Beautiful Season ~

demoralised.

2009-11-16T23:24:00.002+08:00

depressed.
demoralised.

this isn't the first time i have felt this way.
i just couldn't seem to find something i excel in, somehow.
my confidence is probably shrinking day-by-day, growing smaller and smaller..
.. there is simply nothing to really gimme a good confidence boost.

talking to certain people, be it family or friends, doesn't really help either (dependent on individuals).
some are more tactful.
some are.. tactless, i guess.

but i deserved it.
because i did screw things up. period.

Kinokuniya is having a 20% membership discount Christmas promotion this coming week!
i am looking forward to paying a visit..
.. if i can finish my work and revision (already delayed and retarded).

"Have A KINOKUNIYA Christmas!"

~ Beautiful Season ~

(r a n d o m)ised rantings.

2009-11-10T21:08:00.001+08:00

these three weeks are one of the worst.
unfortunately, my 21st birthday was, sadly, also a part of these three weeks.
(i received alot Alot ALOT of birthday wishes and messages, including celebrations, from many Many MANY friends thou. ^^)
these three weeks were just a seemingly never-ending mad rush for the deadlines - reports, projects, and essays (you-name-it).
i have one LAST project left, due this coming Friday.
*relief*.. NOT.
horrible examinations are just around the corner.
horrors.. i am so dead. x_x

i spent the birthday chiong-ing my PC1322 individual essay right down to 2348 in school.
(the essay was supposedly due before 2359)
the remaining 12 minutes were then spent on packing up my lappy, and walking out to take a cabbie home.
(too bad midnight surcharge was on already)
doubt i did great for the essay anyways.
i simply don't have the brains of a scientist, cosmologist, or astronomer.
dots. -_-"

i saw a pig-nosed turtle today during my LSM3251 field trip study practical over at the mangroves.
despite it being so cute and adorable, gentle and docile (maybe lack energy), it looked so helpless struggling to seek comfort and shelter alongside the road on a drying up patch of puddle of water. :(((
my heart went out to it.
i wonder how it ended up there.
boo. :CCC
(pictures are with the stuntman for the "Pitcher Horrors!" movie, Yin Ting. dots. inside joke.)

anyways, my wireless internet is finally back at work again.
the fault lies in the lousy MIO modem that is spoilt.
(guess the lifespan of a MIO modem is only 2 years++?)
i am rather amazed i actually survived one week without wireless internet at home.
i had to go all the way to and fro school just to access the wireless internet to get my notes, for forum posting, and to check test details etc.
BUT. yes. it is all over! :DDD
wireless internet, welcome back! ^^

~ Beautiful Season ~

tonight.. the night.

2009-10-12T01:50:00.001+08:00

tonight..
.. i lose something dear and precious to me.

all along.
all these time.

but..

what should i do..
.. seriously.

~ Beautiful Season ~

Samsung dual-screen camera! slurps

2009-10-10T18:37:00.004+08:00

i happened to stumble across this commercial advertisement of this new camera from Samsung (sadly, not Sony or Canon), posted on Facebook by a friend.
wahlau! this camera would have been perfect for many sessions of crazy self-portrait shots! @_@

Samsung ST 550/TL 225.
(strangely the screen gets cut off. humph. watch it here.)

~ Beautiful Season ~

FST3102 amidst the e-learning week.

2009-10-09T23:19:00.003+08:00

it's been ages, or feel like ages, since i last blogged, or posted something up.
it is not that, again, i have abandoned this blog, or anything even close to it.
or issit that i have absolutely nothing interesting happening in my life to blog about.
it is just an inappropriate period of time for me to blog, i guess, or so i feel, about anything.

but anyways, this week is actually the university-wide e-learning week.
(to prepare school in case of any emergency eg. H1N1, but not to disrupt our normal school cirriculum)
thus there are no school, or rather, there are no lectures, but tutorials and practicals go on as per normal.
hence yesterday i went to AVA over at Lim Chu Kang (pretty faraway isn't it, at some secluded ulu ulu place), to visit and understand more about the 8 laboratories and the testings going on in it.

this interesting module with such exciting field trips, is none other than: FST3102 Food Safety Assurance.
(this is not a sarcastic comment, no pun intended, i am really enjoying the module pretty much, maybe the field trips are just a 'lil rushed, otherwise, everything else is good!)

the pretty pretty but ulu ulu place (lobby area):
(the insides of the laboratories are strictly no pictures-taking)

Agri-Food & Veterinary Authority of Singapore (AVA).

~ Beautiful Season ~

Taylor Swift - You Belong With Me.

2009-09-29T23:52:00.008+08:00

this is a pretty good song.
it comes with a really sweet music video too.
you can catch it here.

Taylor Swift "You Belong With Me" (official single cover).

Taylor Swift "Fearless" (official album cover).

Song: You Belong With Me
Singer: Taylor Swift
Single: You Belong With Me
Album: Fearless

You're on the phone with your girlfriend, she's upset
She's going off about something that you said
'Cause she doesn't get your humor like I do

I'm in the room, it's a typical Tuesday night
I'm listening to the kind of music she doesn't like
And she'll never know your story like I do

But she wears short skirts, I wear T-shirts
She's Cheer Captain and I'm on the bleachers
Dreaming about the day when you wake up and find
That what you're looking for has been here the whole time

If you could see that I'm the one who understands you
Been here all along, so why can't you see?
You, you belong with me, you belong with me

Walking the streets with you and your worn-out jeans
I can't help thinking this is how it ought to be
Laughing on a park bench, thinking to myself
Hey, isn't this easy?

And you've got a smile that could light up this whole town
I haven't seen it in a while since she brought you down
You say you're fine, I know you better than that
Hey, what ya doing with a girl like that?

She wears high heels, I wear sneakers
She's Cheer Captain and I'm on the bleachers
Dreaming about the day when you wake up and find
That what you're looking for has been here the whole time

If you could see that I'm the one who understands you
Been here all along, so why can't you see?
You belong with me

Standing by and waiting at your back door
All this time how could you not know?
Baby, you belong with me, you belong with me

Oh, I remember you driving to my house in the middle of the night
I'm the one who makes you laugh when you know you're 'bout to cry
And I know your favorite songs and you tell me 'bout your dreams
Think I know where you belong, think I know it's with me

Can't you see that I'm the one who understands you?
Been here all along, so why can't you see?
You belong with me

Standing by and waiting at your back door
All this time, how could you not know?
Baby, you belong with me, you belong with me

You belong with me
Have you ever thought just maybe
You belong with me?
You belong with me

~ Beautiful Season ~

the lonely TORTOISE and the red MUSHROOM.

2009-09-29T01:30:00.004+08:00

i tried re-drawing the doodle i doodled on MSN previously, this time still using MSN.
(MSN is not meant for drawing and colouring, only handwritten messages, that's for sure)
my colours kept disappearing when i coloured the picture.
i ended up having to repeatedly colour the same gaps over and over again.
i touched up using PAINT as a last resort.
boo.

but.

here is my end-product anyways:

tortoise *hearts* mushroom - the lonely tortoise only has the red mushroom as its mate.

~ Beautiful Season ~

张韶涵《口袋的天空》.

2009-09-28T21:02:00.007+08:00

i finally solved the "mystery" of why there used to be this very someone who actually looked down on me, and spoke in a very sarcastic manner, "you doing xxxx stuff? got so much things to do meh."

this someone actually had the nerve to stare people down through the nose, and spoke in such a deliberate tone, as if questioning the subordinates: ARE YOU REALLY DOING WORK. ISSIT. GOT SO MUCH THINGS TO DO MEH.
we were not working for the same event, not working under the same director, and definitely NOT even working together.
you do your god-like work, and i do my own crappy sh!t.
our paths didn't even cross each other, except it is simply my BAD luck to be sitting there doing my crappy sh!t, when this someone strode past, thus the uneasy feeling of being looked down upon, and the 欠扁 comment.
i mean, what do you know about WHAT i am doing?!
simi sh!t.

i have always thought i offended this someone somehow.
but i seriously cannot recall any 不爽 incidents that happened between us before.
(i knew this someone through some orientation camps)
but now i found out that this very same someone actually is like that one.
it is the "kuan", the "sei", and this attitude is called: snobbish and stuck-up.
the reason why, because this someone is simply RICH lor. and SPOILT lor. what else. dots.
rich, also NOT because of this someone's own capability somemore.
what is there to be proud of and look people down on.
so stupid.

i enjoyed this rather old song, which 张韶涵 debuted back in year 2006.
it was first introduced to me by my dearest cousin Belinda, who sang in KBox. :)
i miss my cousin. boo.

张韶涵《潘多拉》专辑.

张韶涵《潘多拉》专辑 (写真版).

歌曲 : 口袋的天空
歌手 : 张韶涵
专辑 : 潘朵拉

明天的故事都是我的是我的
所谓的幸福快乐我学会了抉择

你的背影远得像雾了
我不再回头
当脚步被回忆绑着
我跑过沙漠
我不要变得小小的找不到自我
好象被什么人放在口袋没天空

明天的故事都是我的是我的
所谓的幸福快乐不止一种
美丽的春夏秋冬落叶是我的
体验过才懂梦是什么

你的背影远得像雾了
我不再回头
当脚步被回忆绑着
我跑过沙漠
我不要变得小小的找不到自我
好象被什么人放在口袋没天空

明天的故事都是我的是我的
所谓的幸福快乐不止一种
美丽的春夏秋冬落叶是我的
体验过才懂梦是什么

明天的故事都是我的是我的
所谓的幸福快乐不止一种
美丽的春夏秋冬落叶是我的
体验过才懂梦是什么
ohhhh~

明天的故事都是我的是我的
所谓的幸福快乐不止一种
美丽的春夏秋冬落叶是我的
体验过才懂梦是什么

~ Beautiful Season ~

BAD luck.

2009-09-28T12:44:00.001+08:00

I'm blogging this entry in school, using my phone via Wi-Fi.
It's amazing, and i'm fascinated.
(Superman taught me de anyways. Dots.)

My Understanding the Universe test just ended not too long ago.
And.
It.
Sucks.
Seriously.

I don't know if i should blame myself for..
.. Not studying and memorising the pictures and details hard enough.
.. Spending too much time actually studying it.
(When i'm going to get crap anyways)
.. Or simply my bad luck.
Questions i do know how and why, yet i put otherwise.
What the hell am i doing. x_x

When i'm down, it appears i'm always alone.
The one(s) who always stay by your side, they say, are those who're genuinely concerned.
When i'm down, who do i see?

The tortoise only sees its red mushroom. Always there for it, as its shelter. :)

~ Beautiful Season ~

planet EARTH.

2009-09-27T23:57:00.003+08:00

i feel like sh!t, like cr@p.
i feel like i don't deserve to live, but somehow managed to actually bargained my way into a life on planet Earth.
i feel like i have aged a hundred, or maybe a thousand years.

i only feel like dying.
bye bye, planet Earth.

tortoise *hearts* mushroom - the lonely tortoise only has the red mushroom as its mate.
(i doodled this doodle using MSN anyways)

~ Beautiful Season ~

NEW; until a brighter day.

2009-09-19T21:28:00.005+08:00

yeppss.
i finally got down to "work" on my blogskin.
and yes, i had to work on the annoying html.
but no, i have never learn html before in my entire life.
thus i am just trying to get everything to work the way i wanted it to be, through trial-and-error.

this took me a good seven hours. -_-"
but it worked.
yayyyys! ^^

apparently it is according to Dave Matthew's (don't ask me who, i also don't know) "Where Are You Going" lyrics:

Where are you going, where do you go
Are you looking for answers, to questions under the stars
If along the way you are growing weary
You can rest with me until a brighter day
You're okay

i also made changes to the blogskin for my private blog.
too bad, it is out-of-bounds.

"underneath the STARS" template.
(feels and looks *starry* and magical)

"Somewhere over the RAINBOW" template, byebye.
(i retained parts and pieces of it in this blog though, haha)

~ Beautiful Season ~

萧亚轩《幸福的地图》.

2009-09-18T23:22:00.002+08:00

i went for the terribly craziness-max-loaded "COMEX 2009" fair last week.
i squeezed, squashed, and "died" in there, erms, three times.
(i went for it on 3 out of 4 days. @_@)

i managed to get my hands on a pretty blue Sony Cyber-shot T-90 camera.
(no more pink, the pink is hideously bright)
i managed to re-contract Singtel MIO plan, and got myself a passionate red Sony Ericsson W705 mobile.
(silver was the other choice, but maybe a 'lil too boring in terms of colours)

Sony Ericsson W705 comes with PNP (PlayNow Plus, i think).
my membership status allows me to download songs, unlimited, for the first month.
so i did.

and.

i came across two old songs i used to love listening to.
(lost them when the old lappy crashed)
the other one was "萧亚轩 - 爱的主题曲".

"萧亚轩。第5大道".

"首选萧亚轩。美丽的插曲".

萧亚轩《幸福的地图》

我要爱就直奔你方向我要梦想抱你个满怀
无论路上遇到多少荆棘和障碍我都不怕

我穿越重重人海停不下来看最后谁是主宰谁失败
每个人的心中都有一幅幸福的地图
无论如何我都一定要回到你身旁

我要爱就直奔你方向我要梦想抱你个满怀
无论路上遇到多少荆棘和障碍我都不怕
我存在就为了你的爱你一直都活在我心海
每一天睁开眼看你和阳光都在那就是我要的未来
我要你的爱 oh-yea-yea 我要你的爱 oh-e-wo 我的明天只为你存在

我穿越重重人海停不下来看最后谁是主宰谁失败
每个人的心中都有一幅幸福的地图
无论如何我都一定要回到你身旁

我要爱就直奔你方向我要梦想抱你个满怀
无论路上遇到多少荆棘和障碍我都不怕
我存在就为了你的爱你一直都活在我心海
每一天睁开眼看你和阳光都在那就是我要的未来
我要你的爱 oh-yea-yea 我要你的爱 oh-e-wo 我的明天只为你存在

我存在只为了你的爱

~ Beautiful Season ~

CHANge.

2009-09-10T23:27:00.001+08:00

maybe it is time i change my blogskin.
but the html thingy drives me crazy.
boo.

~ Beautiful Season ~

(r a n d o m).

2009-09-06T23:47:00.001+08:00

白い恋人.
shiroi koibito.

this is a bit late.
but.
thank you very much, nonetheless, for getting it for me, over in Tokyo. :)

it is the thought that counts.

~ Beautiful Season ~

social dance(s).

2009-09-05T17:19:00.002+08:00

i went for dance today.
it is back to quickstep and chacha again.
how nolstagic.
it has been a year, so fast, back when i was learning quickstep and chacha then.
back then, when i was learning, because i was partly influenced by him.

HAHA.
how time seems to fly.
now he doesn't matter.
but social dance has became more than simply an interest.
it is a hobby, and i yearn to be a good social dancer, somewhat.

whilst many of my friends have upgraded to "intermediate".
i remained at "elementary", because of my lack of natural flair for social dance.
i tried, i really tried, i enjoyed social dancing, but i simply lack the flair to do well.
exactly, what's wrong?

saddened.
but i do. not. give. up.
ever.

~ Beautiful Season ~

nagging feeling.

2009-09-03T23:59:00.002+08:00

i feel bitter.

am i not good enough?
am i not putting in enough effort already?
am i that easily disposable and replaceable?
friends whom i thought are genuinely my friends..
.. or are they?

i know i should ignore this bitterness.
but i couldn't.

this simply isn't fair.

no wonders my circle of friends remained this small, and has always been.

~ Beautiful Season ~

"大宋提刑官".

2009-08-29T23:05:00.004+08:00

was somewhat addicted to the chinese drama series "大宋提刑官" (China production), showing every weekday late night, on channel CCTV4.
(my parents were the ones addicted first, and i was forced-耳濡目染 into liking it later)
i must admit, "大宋提刑官" is one really good "金田一"-like drama, with added elements - dating back to 宋朝 + forensic science involved.

despite the main plot centres around 洗清冤情, but as the story progresses on, it ain't that simple anymore..
.. with the ending entwined with a sad feeling of 无奈 and 欲哭无泪 combined.
the story speaks of human nature, which exists, even today.

"大宋提刑官".

孟良臣 (early deceased buddy), 宋慈 (main protagonist), and 英姑 (able assistant).

刁光斗 (main antagonist), 宋慈 (main protagonist), and 贾博古 (one of the characters involved in one of the cases).

宋慈 and 英姑 (I).

宋慈 and 英姑 (II).

"大宋提刑官" 剧照 (I).

"大宋提刑官" 剧照 (II).

"大宋提刑官" 剧照 (III).

the theme song is pretty emotional, with a tinge of sadness and helplessness.

"大宋提刑官"电视主题曲 - 《满江红》
作曲：程池
作词：王凯娟

千古悠悠有多少冤魂嗟叹（朗诵：张志忠）
空怅望人寰无限丛生哀怨
泣血蝇虫笑苍天孤帆叠影锁白链
残月升骤起烈烈风尽吹散。。。

尽吹散尽吹散（演唱：刘可）
滂沱雨无底涧
涉激流登彼岸
奋力拨云间消得雾患
社稷安抚臣子心长驱鬼魅不休战
看斜阳照大地阡陌从头转

泣血蝇虫笑苍天孤帆叠影锁白链
残月升骤起烈烈风社稷安抚臣子心
长驱鬼魅不休战看斜阳照大地阡陌
从头转从头转

~ Beautiful Season ~

complaints : appreciation.

2009-08-28T14:29:00.000+08:00

why can't people, or friends, or lovers, appreciate each other more for who they really are?

complaints vs. appreciation
issit really that difficult to look past each other's flaws, into something deeper and more significant?
".. energizing what we value and appreciate (love, admire or enjoy) in our partner is an essential building block of a loving friendship.."

feel free to read this article.

~ Beautiful Season ~

fareWELL.

2009-08-27T23:08:00.000+08:00

there is nothing else left to be said.

i wish you well-being.

~ Beautiful Season ~

en-LIGHT-en-ed.

2009-08-26T23:55:00.006+08:00

i held on to my strong belief, and thus have always held on to something i cared for dearly.

but tonight i am thoroughly enlightened, the second time.
reality has settled in, and i learnt that i am very immature and constantly dependent on others 24/7.

my belief is all but just a piece of ideal cr@p.

to put in so much, just to hear those very hurtful words out of your mouth (the second time somemore), has finally led me to see through your awesome piece of surface-"mask", and broke the "thread" or "string" or whatever cr@ppy sh!t tonight.

you CANNOT accept me for who i am, face it.
you are just trying to push me to my limits.

you won.
congratulations.

~ Beautiful Season ~

"stupid" doesn't even describe IT.

2009-08-15T23:51:00.001+08:00

this sucks.
everything sucks.
everything sucks because i suck.

this is going nowhere.
i stopped and looked back.. .. ..
.. i need to drown myself.. in work.

~ Beautiful Season ~

checkpoint: the low Low LOW-est point in my life, now.

2009-08-10T22:24:00.000+08:00

i don't think i am in the mood to update any past (overdued), or even present (current) blog entries, at all.
blog activities will most likely resume.. when i feel much Much MUCH better, than now.

~ Beautiful Season ~

a (r a n d o m) night, out.

2009-07-16T23:31:00.000+08:00

nothing feels more superb, magical, and romantic, than stargazing out into the dark, beautiful, and mysterious night skies~ <3
(if only it isn't covered by loads and loads of clouds, everything would have been perrrrfectttt. >.<)

*twinkle twinkle little stars*

~ Beautiful Season ~

Asian Conversation(s).

2009-07-15T23:41:00.004+08:00

left school for tuition early this morning.
(bus journey from school -> Tampines = 2 hours. -_-")
rushed straight home.
rushed back school.
set off, almost immediately, for our much-anticipated-but-postphoned Asian Conversation trip to the Asian Civilisation Museum.
following attended another Asian Conversation, inclusive of dinner.

i almost went crazy, trying to process everything systematically and logically, yet having to rush here and there rush everywhere. @_@
(ignoring borrrringggg pictures taken around the museum, let's see some of these better shots! :DDD)

the lot of us, while waiting for the bus - Yoichi, Yu Liang, Zhou Kai, Akriti (Aku), Fang Yu, Zhengqi, Tai Zhi (Prince), Deen, Mei Hui (June), Yee Ling, and me. :)))

another (r a n d o m) shot at the "illegal gathering" lot of us - Mei Hui (June), Zhengqi, Yang Chong (Onion), Thu, Yee Ling, Akriti (Aku), and me. :PPP

on our way to the Asian Civilisation Museum~
(Mei Hui (June), Yee Ling, Zhengqi, and Tai Zhi (Prince))

"prestigious" (r a n d o m) shot #1 - Zhengqi, Stella, and me. ^^

"prestigious" (r a n d o m) shot #2 - Stella and me! :DDD
(Stella is just so so so so pretty and photogenic la~~~!!!)

another attempt at a (r a n d o m) shot - Zhengqi, Yang Chong (Onion), and me.

(was actually really bored and dozzzzing off to dreamland(s) during the Q&A session)

(r a n d o m) shot #1 - Mei Hui (June), Yee Ling, Zhengqi, and Henrik.
(i whip out my camera whenever wherever i have the time and chance to do so! ^^)

(r a n d o m) shot #2 - Yang Chong (Onion), Elliot, Angela, Susie, Matt (Matthew), and Fatin.
(*winks* *winks*, secretly happy with the wondrous pictures snapped)

me Me ME.
("Chan Hui Min - Asia.com")

er, a very farnee, yet adorable picture, idea initiated by Yee Ling.. ^^
("Pan Zhengqi" (the photographer), "Chan Hui Min", "Ng Yee Ling", and "Hoong Mei Hui")

~ Beautiful Season ~

the feeling of "Déjà vu".

2009-07-14T23:00:00.007+08:00

long loooong day today, at least for me.

first stop, Fusionopolis, our "Asia.com" module field trip.
second stop, City Hall area, namely walking between Suntec City-Marina Square-Esplanade.
(lunch was over at Astons @ Suntec City, by Yee Ling's recommendation)
third stop, City Hall MRT station, Shanice (Niece)'s 21st birthday celebration, which is held at..
.. you're right! Astons @ Suntec City.
HAHA.

my legs walked a great deal, they ached badly, in fact, they wobbled ever so slightly afterwards.
boo. x_x

Yee Ling, Candice, and me, @ Fusionopolis.

Yee Ling, Mei Hui (June), and me, @ (pebbles-themed) Skygarden.

the lot of us, whilst waiting for the other batch to arrive - Deen, Yee Ling, Mei Hui (June), Nis, Zongqi, Wang Zhuo, Feng Shi, and Henrik.

(me excluded, since i am the photographer)

Zhengqi, Yee Ling, Mei Hui (June), and me, @ (pebbles-themed) Skygarden.

nice feet + shoes! :PPP

Yee Ling, Mei Hui (June), and Candice, @ Astons, Suntec City.

Zhengqi and me, @ Astons, Suntec City.

Candice and me, outside Esplanade.

"Special" promotional picture advertisement for Haagen-Dazs.
(LOL! :XXX)

evidence that i did indeed went back to Astons @ Suntec City (for dinner).

Shanice (Niece), Sabrina, and me.
(Happie 21st burfdae to~ Shanice, my dearest niece! ^^)

Shanice and me, in Suntec City (ladies).

a token of appreciation from Shanice for celebrating her 21st with her tonight, so sweet of her, right! :DDD

Shanice, Zhong Yi, and me, @ outside Esplanade.
(yes, i went back there too.. >.<)

Shanice and me (r a n d o m) farnee shot.
(HAHA. :DDD)

the best-ed best supper team!
(i am the extra, replacing Susie, who refused to be in the picture)

my buddy #2, Brioney, and me.
(i have three buddies)

the night is so peaceful, yet so beautiful..

~ Beautiful Season ~

CosFest VIII, Downtown East.

2009-07-12T23:47:00.014+08:00

went down to CosFest VIII over at Downtown East.
(heard news that the next upcoming cosplay event will be held at Suntec City this December)
it was pretty crowded, filled with cosplayers, photographers, and interested passer-bys (like me).

many many Japanese manga and anime are featured, even games are being cosplayed too!
two words, CosFest VIII = simply beautiful! ^^

"07-Ghost" - Frau a.k.a. Zehel.

"07-Ghost" - Teito Klein + Burupya (the small pink dragon sitting on the shoulder).

*muacks <3*.

"07-Ghost" - Frau a.k.a. Zehel, and Teito Klein, with Burupya.

"Inuyasha" - Inuyasha!

LOL! ^^

"Detroit Metal City (DMC)" - Death Records President, Johannes Krauser II, and Soichi Negishi.

"07-Ghost" - Teito Klein + Burupya (shot #2).

"Ouran High School Host Club" - identical twins, Hikaru and Kaoru Hitachiin.
(left gurl is Jun Wei's sister)

"Code Geass"
(Jun Wei's sister, again! :D)

lol.
(seriously LOL-ed @ it. >.<)

Johannes Krauser II a.k.a. Soichi Negishi.

epic picture - Pacman + cardboard Gundam(s)! :XXX

epic shot! :DDD

the Gundam robot behind, is indeed modelled by a guy. @_@

Johannes Krauser II and Ada Wong, + Soichi Negishi "flattened".

Xiao Ying (Jun Wei's sister) and me. :)))

me Me ME, (happy :D) over at CosFest VIII~! :)

~ Beautiful Season ~

LSM gang, to Anna's house!

2009-07-11T23:07:00.000+08:00

we set off to buy the necessary ingredients together from the supermarkets, before heading straight towards our destination - Anna's house.

Guang Si is the main character (*drumroll* and *limelight* please) today.
he makes almost all the big decisions, and distributes the workload accordingly to his "Maria"(s) present in the kitchen. :PPP

we baked cheesecake (supposed to be green tea initially, then supposed to have added rum, but somehow forgot, haha!) and cookies today! :DDD
cheesecake, to celebrate Anna's (over le) and Wilson's (upcoming) birthdays.
cookies, to give to our friends (main purpose: Guang Si's TA, Gene).

the lot of them made me really very happy today, thank you so much! ^^
(too many many pictures taken, over hundred, thus will only be uploading smiling posing ones! :XXX)

Anna (r a n d o m) shot #1 - eyes closed, oopsy! >.<

Anna (r a n d o m) shot #2 - eyes opened, perfect! ^^

Guang Si (r a n d o m) shot #1 - happy, vibrant, energetic, and a bit crazy! :PPP

hor-hor, these are the "偷懒" fellows! :XXX

Guang Si (r a n d o m) shot #2 - happy working picture #1!

Guang Si (r a n d o m) shot #3 - happy working picture #2!

"woah, great movie!"

completely engrossed sia. o.O

"三个臭皮匠, 胜过一个诸葛亮." HAHA!

Guang Si (r a n d o m) shot #4 - happy working picture #3!
(Powerpuff gurls, Buttercup, ROCKS! LOL.)

presenting~ *drumroll* *limelight*.. the happie burfdae gurl + boy - Anna and Wilson!

みんな-さん (minna-san = everybody) shot #1! :DDD

GOTCHA! :PPP

みんな-さん (minna-san = everybody) shot #2! :DDD

cake-y art!
(that brownish liquid is BAILEYS! *hearts*)

Wei Ying, Anna, and "ANNA <3" cookies! ^^

Guang Si, me, and our accidently over-baked BLACK cookies. x_x

Guang Si's handwritten receipe + the result = great-looking cookies! :)))

Guang Si, Anna, me, and our wonderfully baked cookies! :DDD

~ Beautiful Season ~

Asia Now! pre-Geylang + Provost dinner.

2009-07-09T23:35:00.000+08:00

i shan't be uploading pictures taken during the Geylang trip on Monday night.
(nothing much actually, pretty much the farnee shots randomly taken. :XXX)
i shall only upload the pre-Geylang pictures, which i feel is indeed worth uploading. :PPP

had a sumptous buffet dinner with the Provost tonight.
he is a friendly and affable man, and specially went round the different tables to interact with all the local and international students.

not an easy opportunity to miss out taking some great pictures with him! :DDD

pre-Geylang (r a n d o m) shot #1 - Matt (Matthew), Elliot, Eddy (Edison), Angela, Brioney, Aku (Akriti), Maria, and Ena.

pre-Geylang (r a n d o m) shot #2 - Stephan (acting real cool), Zhengqi (looking jovial), and Deen (behind; an extra). >.<

pre-Geylang (r a n d o m) shot #3 - Yee Ling and Hui Min.
(and some farnee random person behind -_-")

Our "dinner" table!

Our "dinner" table + Provost! ^^

"Asia.com - Chan Hui Min".

~ Beautiful Season ~

Second November

ZANEEDS and Vocaloid Miku.

BANG! vs. 三国杀.

LOVE in the age of entitlement.

a heartFELT story..

Lessons Learnt #1.

Avoidant, Anxious, and Secure Love Attachment Theory.

What is LIFE?

near-"accident".

FOOD for thoughts..

Me vs. Hope

The HUMAN Factor.

RWS + MBS~

RUNning Thoughts~

"When Tragedy Brings You Closer"

A Dream.

HideUP.

disAppeaRance.

Hesitation.

Happily Married~ :)

only YOU~

加油!

"Chobits" trading card official binder + trading cards collection! ^^

*Revival*

Cousin Essence. (:

Tools to enhance BEAUTY~

*r-a-n-d-o-m*

the ART of cutting HaiR~

*random* Baviphat Fruity Masks~ ^^

カードキャプターさくら/库洛魔法使/Cardcaptor Sakura

farnee dinner.

a complete FAILURE.

(r a n d o m).

Oba-san(s) gathering.

N@@B.

a BOR-ing day in childcare.

Endless worries. x_x

Mis-adventures with Monster King~

Kinokuniya - Autumn Story!

Elfen Lied.

心声

Taiwan -> Singapore

GRADuation!

FAT FAT rodent.

hurt + humiliated.

phone scam.

(:

LATE = BREAK?

(r a n d o m).

The Happy Aunties. (:

LIAR GAME.

revive! my (r a n d o m)-ness! :D

cr@ppy sh!t.

(r a n d o m)-ness.

glacial ice.

past. present. future.

fears + butterflies.

Kinokuniya - Spring Story.

陈伟联 - 大海.

dreams.

Avril Lavigne - Innocence.

positive. positive. positive.

Avril Lavigne - Innocence (CANON Singapore).

extremelyyyy disgusted.

sneakyyyy people.

Maybe..

move on.

devastated.

SCARED vs. SCARRED.

肝(心)肠寸断.

the END of my "perfect" love~

Kinokuniya Christmas!

UNluckY day. *frowns*

demoralised.

(r a n d o m)ised rantings.

tonight.. the night.

Samsung dual-screen camera! *slurps*

FST3102 amidst the e-learning week.

Taylor Swift - You Belong With Me.

the lonely TORTOISE and the red MUSHROOM.

Revival

r-a-n-d-o-m

random Baviphat Fruity Masks~ ^^

UNluckY day. frowns

Samsung dual-screen camera! slurps

张韶涵《口袋的天空》.

萧亚轩《幸福的地图》.